00:00:06
especially in the presence of certain people?
00:00:09
Understanding the pitfalls,
00:00:11
the black holes that suck up self-confidence on a daily basis,
00:00:14
will help you to avoid getting sucked in.
00:00:19
we will sift through the two attitudes
00:00:21
that undermine self-confidence normalization and parental attitude.
00:00:26
Let's start with normalization.
00:00:28
We don't want to be alone,
00:00:30
of course we don't.
00:00:31
We like to feel that we are surrounded,
00:00:35
Loneliness is considered a failure.
00:00:37
He or she has failed to fit in.
00:00:40
This need for belonging,
00:00:41
for security through integration encourages us to normalize.
00:00:46
I want to be normal
00:00:47
in a blue world.
00:00:49
Everyone wants to be blue,
00:00:51
even if some push towards light blue,
00:00:53
or fluorescent blue,
00:00:55
feeling free or rebellious.
00:00:57
In a blue world,
00:00:59
when you come across a yellow person,
00:01:00
you don't understand them.
00:01:02
You are suspicious of them.
00:01:04
We push away what we are afraid of,
00:01:06
what is too different.
00:01:08
We don't trust what is too out of the norm.
00:01:11
You have to fit in.
00:01:14
Integration could be achieved by being open to difference.
00:01:17
A bit like an ideal Canadian melting pot model.
00:01:22
we mostly ask people who are different
00:01:25
to normalize themselves.
00:01:27
Most parents push their children to take a
00:01:29
science baccalaureate rather than an arts baccalaureate.
00:01:34
Safety through standardization,
00:01:36
integration through standardization.
00:01:39
And we reproduce in the workplace
00:01:41
this attitude of integration through standardization
00:01:45
by asking employees to be standardized
00:01:48
and monitoring them a lot to make sure they follow the standards,
00:01:52
explicit or implicit standards.
00:01:55
The implicit standard may be,
00:01:59
the way of dressing in the company
00:02:02
or the way of saying hello or communicating.
00:02:06
The implicit norm of not expressing emotions in the workplace or not too much.
00:02:12
I know an HR guy from Club Med who ended up in a bank.
00:02:17
His boss wanted to change the habits through him,
00:02:21
but internally he was blamed so much for his lack of normalization
00:02:25
that he resigned.
00:02:27
Overnormalization has two perverse effects.
00:02:31
it cuts off all creativity and initiative in a blue normalized world.
00:02:37
Initiative must remain blue even if it is a little green or purple.
00:02:41
Taking the initiative in yellow is directly condemned.
00:02:46
normalization partly cuts off self-confidence.
00:02:51
All facets of me that are not blue
00:02:53
are asked to become part of the blue population.
00:02:57
So we make an effort to plane out the red or yellow shards.
00:03:02
The word different is replaced by
00:03:06
We no longer state I am different,
00:03:08
trusting in our unique added value.
00:03:11
We say I am not normal.
00:03:13
And what are the words that follow?
00:03:15
I am not normal.
00:03:17
I have a problem.
00:03:19
I am not normal,
00:03:20
or rather this aspect of me is not normalized,
00:03:24
so I have a problem.
00:03:26
How can we have confidence in ourselves
00:03:28
when we are under pressure from the environment and from self
00:03:32
so that we normalize ourselves?
00:03:34
Do you want to be an actor?
00:03:36
Go to business school first,
00:03:37
and we'll talk about it later.
00:03:41
will the dream still be alive in a few years?
00:03:44
Will the confidence be strong enough to reopen the buried dream?
00:03:48
Mass consciousness is a consciousness of normalization.
00:03:52
It tells us what we should be,
00:03:54
how we should react,
00:03:56
what we should do and think
00:03:59
because what is not normal,
00:04:01
normalized is dangerous,
00:04:03
dangerous for others and supposedly dangerous for oneself.
00:04:07
If one is not normal,
00:04:10
if one refuses to fit into the mold,
00:04:12
one risks failure,
00:04:15
or even imprisonment.
00:04:17
How can you fit in if you're not normalized?
00:04:21
It is a major challenge for our society to reconcile difference,
00:04:27
and integration.
00:04:30
under the pretext that they are different,
00:04:34
Let no one belittle their differences.
00:04:37
Let no one stifle their unique talents for fear of being rejected.
00:04:42
Because they believe that their difference and their diverted
00:04:46
path will be the sign of their failure,
00:04:49
the value of diversity
00:04:51
is highly prized by companies today.
00:04:54
The company is in fact a melting pot between social origins,
00:05:02
levels of education.
00:05:04
The best way is to gather all the
00:05:06
employees through common values and a shared mission.
00:05:10
This will be the glue that holds the integration together.
00:05:15
on these solid shared foundations,
00:05:18
let's allow everyone to express all their differences,
00:05:22
to bring their outstanding creativity,
00:05:24
to take initiatives in an open and trusting manner.
00:05:29
We have seen how standardization can undermine confidence in one's self,
00:05:34
in one's uniqueness.
00:05:37
how the parental at.
00:05:39
of others towards oneself also has perverse effects on one's self-confidence.
00:05:45
Every time you address the other person as if they were a child,
00:05:49
you sabotage their self-confidence.
00:05:52
Here are three basic beliefs of parenting.
00:05:57
You're going to hurt yourself,
00:05:59
and you need me.
00:06:03
meaning in fact I know better than you what you should do,
00:06:08
what you should think,
00:06:09
how you should behave.
00:06:10
You should go to medical school.
00:06:12
You should apply for this job.
00:06:14
You shouldn't take this risk.
00:06:16
The I know better than you what's good for you syndrome is common in most humans.
00:06:22
The problem is when you give too much
00:06:24
credit to the other person's parent uncertainties.
00:06:28
Mum and dad often know better
00:06:30
than their young child what is good for him or her,
00:06:33
but after adulthood,
00:06:35
it's time for the parent to give up this all powerful attitude,
00:06:39
and it's time for the young adult to trust oneself,
00:06:43
even if it means making mistakes.
00:06:45
No one knows better than you
00:06:47
what is good for you.
00:06:49
What is best for you is what you choose,
00:06:52
even if it leads you through failure.
00:06:54
Because what is best for you
00:06:56
is that you become an adult and take responsibility for your choices.
00:07:01
It is the greatest gift a parent could give to his or her child free will,
00:07:07
but often the parent doesn't want to resign their I know better
00:07:11
than you because there is a second belief that reinforces it.
00:07:16
you're going to get hurt.
00:07:20
it's for your own good.
00:07:21
I wouldn't want anything to happen to you.
00:07:24
Protective parenting is going to add up to domineering parenting.
00:07:28
I'm worried about you,
00:07:30
even though there seems to be a good intention behind that common sentence.
00:07:34
There's a lot more.
00:07:36
I worry about you is not love.
00:07:38
It's a lack of trust.
00:07:40
I'm worried because I don't believe you're going to make it.
00:07:44
I'm worried because I believe that if you go through this failure,
00:07:47
you won't get over it.
00:07:49
Stay in my bosom,
00:07:50
Follow my careful advice.
00:07:53
If you have to deal with people who use this argument trying
00:07:56
to force you to do something or not to do something,
00:08:00
if you trusted me,
00:08:02
you wouldn't worry about me.
00:08:04
These people are worried,
00:08:06
Allow them to express their concerns to you,
00:08:11
But don't play that scene with them.
00:08:13
Don't endorse the role of the fragile child they think you are
00:08:17
when they endorse the role of protective parent.
00:08:22
I trust in myself.
00:08:23
Your worries belong to you.
00:08:25
Clarity will despair forced parent child gains.
00:08:29
In an adult to adult relationship,
00:08:31
you'll gain self-confidence.
00:08:34
Parental belief number 3,
00:08:38
In the short term,
00:08:39
during the learning period,
00:08:40
1 may need the other.
00:08:43
In the co-construction of a project,
00:08:45
each member needs the other members of the team.
00:08:50
I denounce here the permanent parental
00:08:53
attitude of people who feel indispensable to
00:08:56
others and who infantilize those they want to keep under their control.
00:09:02
The parent then creates dependency.
00:09:05
It doesn't really allow the other person to grow and learn from their experience,
00:09:10
success or failure.
00:09:12
Can you tell Dave,
00:09:13
who believes you need him and tries to control you,
00:09:16
Everything is OK,
00:09:18
I don't need your advice and your help.
00:09:21
I'll get back to you if I need some.
00:09:24
Other examples Bob,
00:09:26
a colleague that keeps some of the information to himself
00:09:30
so that he is always needed.
00:09:32
Or a manager or expert who always finds something to criticize in
00:09:36
the work of others so that they can showcase their unique talents.
00:09:41
The others seem to need Bob,
00:09:43
but it's mostly Bob who needs them
00:09:46
and who has to keep them dependent on him to keep his identity at the top.
00:09:51
Bob needs to feel useful.
00:09:53
Bob needs to be needed.
00:09:55
Can you look at this fragility he has with kindness and trust in you
00:10:00
without letting him control you,
00:10:02
or is it better to avoid Bob
00:10:06
here are two attitudes that work
00:10:09
against self-confidence and can inhibit initiative,
00:10:13
normalization and the parental attitude.
00:10:16
I urge you to take a step back whenever someone
00:10:19
invites you to dance one of these two power games.
No elements match your search in this video....
Do another search or
back to content !
