00:00:07
a problem that we call the source of the conflict
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and the inflation of this problem.
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or a negative interpretation of what the other person is
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doing or trying to pit colleagues against one another.
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All of this will reinforce and ignite a conflict
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that may have been totally minor initially.
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In order to resolve a conflict,
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it is essential to separate the source of a conflict from its inflation,
00:00:35
because each of these two elements must be and will be resolved in a different way.
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Conflict escalation is one of the two forms of conflict inflation.
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Conflict escalates when fuel is added to the fire of disagreement.
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Inspired by Jean Portra's research on the subject,
00:00:55
we will see the factors of conflict escalation and how to diffuse them.
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Escalation makes the initial problem worse.
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Examples of escalation
00:01:05
personal criticism,
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insults involving other colleagues,
00:01:11
flooding the other with emotions,
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trying power games.
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What may have started out as a disagreement over how to handle a case
00:01:21
may end up making it impossible for two people to work together.
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Sometimes the escalation is such that the real source of the conflict,
00:01:32
the issue at hand,
00:01:33
has been forgotten.
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We now consider the other one to be the real problem.
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There are 3 escalating factors that worsen conflict
00:01:43
a competitive personality.
00:01:48
and attributing responsibility,
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negative intentions to the other.
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The escalation of the competitive personality.
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The competitive personality experiences relationships as a competition,
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Whatever the means,
00:02:03
the important thing is to have the last word
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in order for them to keep some self-esteem.
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They like to argue,
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to go into verbal jousting.
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The form of communication does not matter to them.
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They can become aggressive because the point of conflict is to win,
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If I give in and the other one wins,
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they think it's a matter of honor.
00:02:29
When faced with this competitive person,
00:02:32
you have to negotiate first.
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You can put the issues in perspective when facing them.
00:02:38
Help them be lucid about the competitive game they are playing.
00:02:42
Is it so important to win at all costs?
00:02:45
Are the stakes so high
00:02:47
that they have to fight for it?
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Can they put things into perspective so that they can pick
00:02:52
their real battles and devote all their energy to winning them
00:02:57
instead of some conflicts that are destructive?
00:03:00
At a second level of intensity,
00:03:02
you can encourage the expression of everyone's interests.
00:03:06
Make the competitive person express what is really important to them.
00:03:11
And listen positively to what the other parties' interests and demands are.
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By understanding this,
00:03:18
they will be able to agree more easily by
00:03:21
ceasing to seek personal victory at all costs.
00:03:25
At a third level of intensity,
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I advise you to separate the conflicting people if there is a competitive person
00:03:32
who dominates by their aggressiveness and their desire to win.
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It will be essential to find one or more third parties
00:03:41
who can work on changing perspectives
00:03:43
and negotiating between the parties by filtering out
00:03:48
the aggressive comments.
00:03:50
A second factor in conflict escalation is the presence of emotional wounds.
00:03:56
Emotional harm blocks the person seeking conflict resolution.
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What the other person said or did is unbearable,
00:04:06
and often hurts them even more than the initial disagreement.
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Their value system was violently damaged.
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War has been declared.
00:04:16
The hypersensitive person feels rejected or betrayed.
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They may have been lied to or insulted.
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Their image has been attacked,
00:04:25
and it is their anger or tears that will take the lead.
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The afflicted aspect of the person takes the lead and feels
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that what the other has done is unacceptable and perhaps irreparable.
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Emotions tend to bypass the rational brain
00:04:43
and prevent any search for a solution.
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He has gone too far.
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The injured person either takes revenge
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by biting the other person back,
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or they may take a stand and wait for the other person to admit that they were wrong.
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The only way out of this emotional escalation is
00:05:03
to encourage the expression of the emotional harm.
00:05:09
helping the person vocalize their feelings and express their emotions in private
00:05:14
will be enough to help them snap out of it
00:05:17
and focus again on the initial source of the problem.
00:05:21
At the second level of intensity of the emotional harm,
00:05:25
the person will need to express their feelings towards the other person.
00:05:29
Saying what hurt them and why being careful not to fall into accusations
00:05:35
at the third level of intensity of the emotional harm,
00:05:38
it will be necessary for one party or parties to
00:05:42
apologize to the other for the hurtful words or actions.
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I'm sorry I said that to you.
00:05:48
I shouldn't have done that.
00:05:50
The third escalation factor is attributing responsibility and negative intent.
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all the blame for the conflict on the other person.
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It is no longer a disagreement between two people,
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but a guilty and innocent person in a black and white universe.
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The person thinks there must be a guilty party.
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So if it's not me,
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it's the other person.
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the other person is responsible because they are incompetent or
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are acting in ill faith or initiated the conflict or.
00:06:27
This lawsuit prevents the search for a solution and paralyzes the conflict,
00:06:34
because the person stuck in this accusation in pass does not really seek a solution.
00:06:39
They want the other person to change as simple as that.
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The solution to the conflict is for you to change,
00:06:49
But the other person on whom all the responsibility and negative intent is placed,
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and start blaming in return,
00:06:57
and the escalation will continue.
00:07:00
Unless the accused
00:07:02
spends all their energy justifying themselves in order to
00:07:07
prove that they are innocent by defending their skill,
00:07:10
their good faith,
00:07:13
the accused will end up developing resentment and
00:07:17
mistrust towards this attacker who's fueling this escalation.
00:07:21
To get out of this type of escalation,
00:07:24
it is necessary to be clear in order to stop these interpretations and mind reading.
00:07:30
At the first level
00:07:32
you can describe the past context
00:07:35
so that the accused can explain
00:07:37
why they did and said this.
00:07:39
At a second level
00:07:41
you can shed light or even retrace the events.
00:07:45
Observing how the action or words of the person
00:07:49
considered responsible may have been actually unpleasant to the other person,
00:07:55
making the accused
00:07:57
measure the consequences of their behavior on the other person
00:08:02
without forgetting to observe how the person held responsible,
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might not stand this unfair unilateral accusation and this trial of intentions.
00:08:14
Responsibilities should be shared
00:08:17
at a third level,
00:08:19
it will be necessary to go back to the
00:08:21
original intentions and clarify whether there was intent to harm
00:08:27
Describe the original intentions that contributed to the behavior
00:08:32
and describe the impact of this behavior on the other person.
00:08:37
allow each person to understand how their
00:08:40
interpretations and fears contributed to the escalation.
00:08:46
We tackled the 3 main factors that contribute to the escalation of a conflict.
00:08:52
The presence of a competitive person,
00:08:56
and attributing responsibility and negative intentions to the other person.
00:09:01
If we do not intervene or intervene too lightly,
00:09:05
escalation grows rapidly.
00:09:07
If we intervene too strongly,
00:09:09
we limit the level of autonomy and creativity
00:09:12
of the people involved as responsible adults.
00:09:16
A final piece of advice.
00:09:18
Be careful not to buy peace to problematic people,
00:09:22
the professional conflict escalators,
00:09:24
the competitors,
00:09:25
the hypersensitive,
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and the accusers,
00:09:28
giving in to them because it's easier asking others to make the effort,
00:09:33
this would only reinforce the problem until the next spark occurs.
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