Defusing conflict escalation Tutorial

Conflicts can escalate quickly, but resolving them is possible! In "Defusing Conflict Escalation," learn about the dynamics of conflict, from competitive personalities to emotional wounds and blame. Discover effective techniques to calm tensions and foster collaboration and teamwork. Watch now to master the art of conflict resolution!

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a problem that we call the source of the conflict

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and the inflation of this problem.

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Insults,

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for instance,

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or a negative interpretation of what the other person is

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doing or trying to pit colleagues against one another.

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All of this will reinforce and ignite a conflict

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that may have been totally minor initially.

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In order to resolve a conflict,

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it is essential to separate the source of a conflict from its inflation,

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because each of these two elements must be and will be resolved in a different way.

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Conflict escalation is one of the two forms of conflict inflation.

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Conflict escalates when fuel is added to the fire of disagreement.

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Inspired by Jean Portra's research on the subject,

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we will see the factors of conflict escalation and how to diffuse them.

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Escalation makes the initial problem worse.

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Examples of escalation

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personal criticism,

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insults involving other colleagues,

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lying,

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manipulating,

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flooding the other with emotions,

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anger,

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crying,

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trying power games.

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What may have started out as a disagreement over how to handle a case

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may end up making it impossible for two people to work together.

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Sometimes the escalation is such that the real source of the conflict,

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i.e.,

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the issue at hand,

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has been forgotten.

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We now consider the other one to be the real problem.

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There are 3 escalating factors that worsen conflict

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a competitive personality.

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Emotional harm

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and attributing responsibility,

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negative intentions to the other.

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The escalation of the competitive personality.

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The competitive personality experiences relationships as a competition,

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a kind of game.

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Whatever the means,

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the important thing is to have the last word

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in order for them to keep some self-esteem.

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They like to argue,

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to debate,

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to go into verbal jousting.

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The form of communication does not matter to them.

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They can become aggressive because the point of conflict is to win,

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not to give in.

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If I give in and the other one wins,

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I'm worthless.

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I have to win,

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they think it's a matter of honor.

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When faced with this competitive person,

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you have to negotiate first.

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You can put the issues in perspective when facing them.

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Help them be lucid about the competitive game they are playing.

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Is it so important to win at all costs?

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Are the stakes so high

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that they have to fight for it?

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Can they put things into perspective so that they can pick

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their real battles and devote all their energy to winning them

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instead of some conflicts that are destructive?

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At a second level of intensity,

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you can encourage the expression of everyone's interests.

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Make the competitive person express what is really important to them.

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And listen positively to what the other parties' interests and demands are.

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By understanding this,

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they will be able to agree more easily by

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ceasing to seek personal victory at all costs.

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At a third level of intensity,

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I advise you to separate the conflicting people if there is a competitive person

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who dominates by their aggressiveness and their desire to win.

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It will be essential to find one or more third parties

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who can work on changing perspectives

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and negotiating between the parties by filtering out

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the aggressive comments.

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A second factor in conflict escalation is the presence of emotional wounds.

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Emotional harm blocks the person seeking conflict resolution.

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What the other person said or did is unbearable,

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unacceptable,

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and often hurts them even more than the initial disagreement.

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Their value system was violently damaged.

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War has been declared.

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The hypersensitive person feels rejected or betrayed.

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They may have been lied to or insulted.

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Their image has been attacked,

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and it is their anger or tears that will take the lead.

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The afflicted aspect of the person takes the lead and feels

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that what the other has done is unacceptable and perhaps irreparable.

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Emotions tend to bypass the rational brain

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and prevent any search for a solution.

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He has gone too far.

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The injured person either takes revenge

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by biting the other person back,

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or they may take a stand and wait for the other person to admit that they were wrong.

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The only way out of this emotional escalation is

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to encourage the expression of the emotional harm.

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First,

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helping the person vocalize their feelings and express their emotions in private

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will be enough to help them snap out of it

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and focus again on the initial source of the problem.

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At the second level of intensity of the emotional harm,

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the person will need to express their feelings towards the other person.

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Saying what hurt them and why being careful not to fall into accusations

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at the third level of intensity of the emotional harm,

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it will be necessary for one party or parties to

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apologize to the other for the hurtful words or actions.

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I'm sorry I said that to you.

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I shouldn't have done that.

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The third escalation factor is attributing responsibility and negative intent.

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It's putting

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all the blame for the conflict on the other person.

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It is no longer a disagreement between two people,

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but a guilty and innocent person in a black and white universe.

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The person thinks there must be a guilty party.

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It can't be me.

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So if it's not me,

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it's the other person.

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Yes,

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the other person is responsible because they are incompetent or

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are acting in ill faith or initiated the conflict or.

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This lawsuit prevents the search for a solution and paralyzes the conflict,

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because the person stuck in this accusation in pass does not really seek a solution.

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They want the other person to change as simple as that.

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The solution to the conflict is for you to change,

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period.

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But the other person on whom all the responsibility and negative intent is placed,

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will rebel

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and start blaming in return,

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and the escalation will continue.

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Unless the accused

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spends all their energy justifying themselves in order to

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prove that they are innocent by defending their skill,

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their good faith,

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etc.

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Generally,

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the accused will end up developing resentment and

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mistrust towards this attacker who's fueling this escalation.

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To get out of this type of escalation,

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it is necessary to be clear in order to stop these interpretations and mind reading.

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At the first level

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you can describe the past context

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so that the accused can explain

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why they did and said this.

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At a second level

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you can shed light or even retrace the events.

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Observing how the action or words of the person

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considered responsible may have been actually unpleasant to the other person,

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making the accused

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measure the consequences of their behavior on the other person

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without forgetting to observe how the person held responsible,

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the accused,

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might not stand this unfair unilateral accusation and this trial of intentions.

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Responsibilities should be shared

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at a third level,

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it will be necessary to go back to the

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original intentions and clarify whether there was intent to harm

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and why.

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Describe the original intentions that contributed to the behavior

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and describe the impact of this behavior on the other person.

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In short,

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allow each person to understand how their

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interpretations and fears contributed to the escalation.

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So.

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We tackled the 3 main factors that contribute to the escalation of a conflict.

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The presence of a competitive person,

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emotional harm,

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and attributing responsibility and negative intentions to the other person.

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If we do not intervene or intervene too lightly,

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escalation grows rapidly.

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If we intervene too strongly,

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we limit the level of autonomy and creativity

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of the people involved as responsible adults.

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A final piece of advice.

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Be careful not to buy peace to problematic people,

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the professional conflict escalators,

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the competitors,

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the hypersensitive,

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and the accusers,

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giving in to them because it's easier asking others to make the effort,

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this would only reinforce the problem until the next spark occurs.

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