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You cannot imagine the number of coachees that I've worked with for whom the
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relationship with their manager was an essential source of their stress at work.
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calmly propose concrete changes to their boss in the way they work together.
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Few of them know how to give feedback to their boss.
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I will help you one dare to talk to your boss.
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have the right posture,
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structure your speech.
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Why do so few employees not give feedback to their boss?
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Because they don't dare
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to hide this fear.
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They brandish many false reasons to remain silent.
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It's not for me to tell my boss.
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It will be useless.
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I will have already tried to make my manager understand.
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The other managers are no better.
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They suffer from that relationship to their managers.
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It doesn't suit them,
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but they don't say anything.
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The real reason why?
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Because unconsciously we put ourselves in a low position in front of our manager.
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We unconsciously reproduce the child-parent relationship,
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sometimes submissive child,
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sometimes rebellious child.
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Do you tell your daddy that he's not a good educator?
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Daring to give feedback to your boss is a
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bit like moving from the child-parent relationship to an adult
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who talk calmly to each other when there is a problem.
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Upward communication benefits everyone.
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It benefits the employee who has been able to express themselves.
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It benefits the manager who will be able to evolve and
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develop a more flexible management according to the people and situations.
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It benefits the business which stands to
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gain when collaboration is smoother and smarter.
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Sometimes we get into crisis situations simply because
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the employees have not made their demands clear.
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To dare to give feedback to your boss is
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to dare to ask them more respect or more autonomy
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to tell them that the organization of meetings needs to be improved.
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To dare to give feedback to your boss is to share a
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dissenting opinion or answer them a justified no to their request.
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It means making clear proposals and requests to them.
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it is our responsibility to speak up and ask,
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even if we believe that there is a 99%
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chance that our manager will oppose our statement.
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This is no reason to be silent.
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On the contrary,
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we have a duty to speak up for ourselves and for the team.
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Our anxious mind may tell us don't go,
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they won't listen to you.
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It won't do any good.
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It will be worse.
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Your anxious mind is not the decision maker.
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You are the decision maker.
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We have the power and even the duty to speak up and above all,
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if it's really important,
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we must return to the charge
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to repeat our feedback and demand.
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And if we have not been heard despite 3 attempts
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and the psychosocial risks are involved,
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we even have a duty to give feedback to the manager of our manager
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or to HR department.
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Daring is the first step.
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Daring without arrogance or without feeling in your little shoes.
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Every opinion deserves to be heard.
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Every request deserves to be expressed for the good of all.
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Now that we have lifted the self-censorship that
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prevented us from speaking to our manager,
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we must be given the best chance to be heard.
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What is the right posture,
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the right attitude to adopt?
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a period of introspection is necessary.
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It's rarely black or white.
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If something creates stress in the relationship with the manager,
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there is certainly an element of co-responsibility.
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How have I contributed to the attitude,
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and decisions of my manager that I condemn today?
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Did I contribute by my silence,
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by my obedience,
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because I was intimidated for fear of the consequences.
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Did my attitude contribute to this stressful situation?
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Recognizing your part of responsibility as an adult will help you join the
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meeting as an adult and not as a rebellious or submissive child.
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Second question to ask yourself before your feedback interview.
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What are the reasons
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that prompted my boss to make this decision to adopt such an attitude?
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The more you understand their personal reasons,
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the more you will come up with an attitude of openness.
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just because you understand them doesn't mean you don't need to give them feedback.
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Quite the contrary,
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your opinion and your request deserve to be heard,
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even if your boss will not be able to respond or refuse to respond,
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at least in the short term.
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If you really don't see your boss's reasons to act,
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don't hesitate to ask him or her.
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What are the reasons,
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that prompted you to make this decision to adopt such an attitude?
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Let Stephen try to protect his ego.
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At first he may go defensive and justify himself awkwardly or aggressively.
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Just tell Stephen that you are not accusing him,
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that you just want to understand.
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giving feedback is not accusing the other person,
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it is above all making a request.
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During the meeting,
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be especially focused on the future,
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Do you know the best time to speak to your superior?
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It is the moment when they will be most available physically and mentally.
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Perhaps your first step is to ask them for a meeting time
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to avoid having to squeeze feedback in a hallway between two meetings
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or to avoid postponing this challenging meeting.
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I would like to schedule a meeting together.
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Can we meet on Monday in your office?
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Does 9 a.m. sound good?
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And if Stephen is reluctant or wants to know more about it already,
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you can just say it is important,
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it's about our collaboration
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or about our work organization,
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or to tell you about the difficulties I am having,
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you will find your words.
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But if the subject is important and requires
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sitting undisturbed for at least 15 minutes,
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do not speak in the open space or in front of the coffee machine.
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Insist on programming a real meeting.
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We have seen what posture and attitude to
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adopt during the feedback meeting with your superior.
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I will now suggest a structure of speech.
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Get your boss's approval first on the subject of feedback.
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I want to give you feedback on yesterday's meeting.
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Is that OK with you?
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I want to give you feedback on our manager managed collaboration.
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Is that OK with you?
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The approach should be positive and respectful.
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If it is not the right time or the right place,
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make an appointment.
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Insist that this will not be postponed to later.
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It's important to me.
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I want to talk about it as quickly as possible.
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You can also choose,
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if the subject is not too stressful,
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to approach your feedback at the end of a weekly meeting with your boss,
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After having reviewed the topics on the agenda,
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I want to give you feedback on yesterday's meeting.
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Is that OK with you?
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After having had his agreement,
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start from the facts regarding the meeting,
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your 45 minute delay had important consequences for me.
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I had to cancel a client appointment.
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you often ask us what do you think,
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but you don't give us time to express
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ourselves or you cut short any dissenting opinion.
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you want to be very present on the Delta file by asking
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me for daily reporting and controlling all my procedures to such an extent
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that I feel that I am not responsible for it.
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you gave me a new challenging file and I can't get
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the answers from you to the questions that concern it.
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Listen to his reasons.
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Listen to his advice.
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Listen to his perhaps awkward justifications.
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If you don't have the exact same perception on the past,
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don't spend time seeking agreement about it.
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The main thing is to move the meeting
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forward towards the propositions for the future.
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Do not forget your needs and your goals in the flow of Stephen's words.
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Don't get intimidated.
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Don't minimize your need.
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I have seen a lot of feedback die in the bud at this point.
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the boss has spoken.
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He justified himself,
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and nothing happened.
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No decision has been made.
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Nothing has changed.
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we must not forget step 4,
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What are we doing?
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What are we changing?
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everyone will leave the meeting with a change to put in place.
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I'll make an effort on the meeting times.
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Beyond a quarter of an hour's delay,
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we'll postpone the meeting.
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if you don't give me time to speak up in a meeting,
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I'll firmly say,
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I haven't finished yet what I had to say.
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I'll give you more autonomy on the delta folder,
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but I will need 1 reporting per week on this file.
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I'll let you see with my assistant to plan meetings with me on the Z file.
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Come up with concrete propositions for the feedback meeting.
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Think of at least 3 possible options.
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In the negotiation,
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you can also offer your help to your manager.
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For the next meetings,
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I can prepare and facilitate an item on the agenda
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and be the timekeeper.
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Do you agree with that,
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Do you want to give feedback to your boss?
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Here is a reminder of the steps.
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Choose the right time of the meeting.
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Start positively.
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Is it OK for you that I give you feedback?
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Describe the facts.
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Listen without going into the verbal ping pong on who is right and who is wrong.
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Negotiate a new way of working and offer help.
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Giving regular feedback to your boss is
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essential for a manager managed relationship.
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This shouldn't be an exception.
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It shouldn't just be done when there are difficulties.
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Each meeting with our manager is an opportunity to express our point of view,
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to make requests,
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to take stock of manager-managed cooperation.
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Everyone will win.
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And don't forget to give your boss positive feedback too.
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