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to improve our communication and to get out of conflicts?
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what is the basis of active listening?
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curiosity and openness.
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Here are the three key principles to which you can link
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three tools synchronization,
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and reformulation.
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We will study these qualities and tools
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that will make you an excellent communicator.
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Do you want to be an expert in active listening?
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Active listening means being truly available to the other person.
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Active listening is centered on the other person,
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understanding the other person and welcoming their opinions,
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and their emotions.
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you must be available.
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You cannot practice active listening if you are stressed,
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stressed by a file,
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or by lack of time.
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Active listening requires mindfulness,
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being fully in the present moment with
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your conversational partner without other screens,
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computer or current file in mind,
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monopolizing your attention.
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This is probably the most difficult part
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to be fully there right now with the other.
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Your mind is like a blank page,
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and your senses are open to fully capture what's being expressed.
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Listening actively means to feel,
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and see the other after having cleared your mind being available.
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If you are in emotional and mental turmoil,
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you cannot be available to the other.
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When you are facing the other,
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and speak by placing yourself in the eye of the hurricane,
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that place where everything is calm,
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even in the storm
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and not in the ring.
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In the heart of the hurricane,
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everything is calm and quiet without emotion,
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without the pressure of time.
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present and available.
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One tool will help you to fully center yourself on the other,
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even through your senses.
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It is synchronization.
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Detect the way your interlocutor expresses themselves
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verbally and nonverbally and communicate with them
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by expressing yourself in the same way.
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Adopt a similar posture without mimicking,
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if they are sitting comfortably at the back of the chair,
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don't sit stiffly at the front of the chair.
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Put your gestures on the same register.
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Don't stay still if they are very expressive.
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Flow and the volume of their voice.
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Don't speak too fast and energetically if their voice is calm and composed.
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So synchronize yourself to the energy of the other person
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in order to better listen to them,
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to resonate with their energy of the moment.
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that synchronization promotes trust.
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Your conversation partner will feel comfortable and understood.
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They will feel that you are on the same page,
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and they will express themselves with more confidence,
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you will be able to understand and feel what they
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are saying through your empathy by staying centered on them,
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you will avoid going into internal dialogue.
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Do you want to be a better active listener?
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Develop your curiosity
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in any communication we are tempted to take short
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cuts on what the other person is saying.
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We think we understand them,
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we want to express ourselves in return
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rather than listening longer to the other
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person rather than really being interested in them
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because of a lack of curiosity,
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we miss the other.
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We filter what they tell us.
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We don't try to dig deeper into what they say.
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As a manager or an expert,
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we tend to interrupt the other person when they tell us about a difficulty.
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We believe we already have the solution.
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We think it is our role to quickly suggest solutions
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instead of listening to the other person or
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asking questions until they find their own solution.
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This is why we often suggest very few options to solve problems and conflicts.
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we have very little information at our disposal about the situation,
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about the other's vision,
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or about their needs,
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and sometimes we don't even have clear information about our own desires.
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active listening is above all knowing how to ask questions.
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about what is at stake in a communication and what is behind the conflict.
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Seek to understand the other person's world.
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Ask questions without judgment,
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questions such as
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how did you experience the facts?
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What did you see or hear?
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What did you deduce?
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How do you see things?
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How do you feel?
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And why do you feel this way?
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If there is a conflict,
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have you experienced this in the past and how did you solve it?
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How would you have wanted it to happen?
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What do you need?
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What would make you feel good?
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What solutions do you suggest?
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Ask questions to allow your communication to be open
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and lively and to be enriched by the other.
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We can define 4 types of questions according to 2 axes.
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Axis 1 is open and closed questions.
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Axis 2 is neutral and guided questions.
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open-ended question allows an answer in all directions.
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What do you think of this decision?
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How did you experience the argument?
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A neutral closed question
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opens to two possible answers.
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Are you satisfied with this decision?
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An open-ended guided question
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leads the field of answers.
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What is right for you in this decision
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or what doesn't suit you in this decision?
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What are your options?
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A closed-ended guided question
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pushes the conversation partner towards the direction you want.
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Wasn't I right to make this decision?
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You appreciate me,
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A neutral open-ended question
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is designed to gather information.
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What do you think of the new project?
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closed question is used to validate information.
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Does this decision seem wise to you?
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And with this type of neutral closed question,
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if your interlocutor is not talkative,
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the discussion will quickly be cut short.
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The open-ended guided question
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allows you to guide and stimulate reflection.
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How do you intend to achieve the objective?
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What is the advantage of hiring a consultant?
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What is the risk of not addressing our dispute?
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Why did you treat the case this way?
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The closed-ended guided question is to be avoided.
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It is a bit of a manipulation.
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Don't you think that?
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Don't you think you should have asked for my opinion?
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Here we are clearly being judgmental.
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The golden question of active listening in a professional result
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oriented setting will be the open ended guided question,
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especially the one starting with how in your opinion?
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How do you think,
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how do you think we can find common ground?
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How do you think we can improve client satisfaction?
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it is a common misconception to believe that the
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questions we are asked must be answered immediately.
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Ask for a cool off period when necessary.
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You are looking to develop qualitative active listening.
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Develop your openness.
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This goes even further than being available and curious.
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Being open means welcoming the other person with their vision of the world,
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with the energy they bring,
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without filters or judgments.
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They have the right to be irritated
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if they remain respectful,
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to be worried or to be disappointed.
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They have the right to think differently from us,
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and it's perfect that way.
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an American philosopher of the 19th century,
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how happy I am to meet someone who has a different opinion from mine,
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for it is the only way
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I can learn something new.
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Active listening requires a state of neutrality
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and even more benevolence towards the other.
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It requires putting all our prejudices about the other on hold
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so as to not fall back into our good old human reflexes,
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wanting to convince the other
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without trying to understand them beforehand.
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It is easy to listen to someone you agree with and appreciate.
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But how can you actively listen to someone who is different
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in their way of expressing themselves and their points of view?
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How to avoid being judgmental?
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Being open means forgetting your point of view for a while
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in order to welcome and understand the other's point of view.
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Even if the person you are dealing with is judgmental,
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you can remain open and constructive.
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It is more difficult,
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I grant you that,
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but it is possible.
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Remain adult and constructive even if the other person
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behaves like a lecturer or a grumpy child.
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One tool that will help you to do this wonderfully is rephrasing.
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As you are listening to the other person,
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interrupt them sometimes,
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not to make your point,
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which you can do later,
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but to pick up on the other person's main ideas
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and feelings at regular intervals in a neutral way.
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What you're telling me is,
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you're worried about the delay.
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You felt hurt because
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In your opinion,
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the project can't work because
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the objective is to get a yes from the other person.
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you understood me.
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Rephrasing will be essential,
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even indispensable in any difficult communication.
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When you announce a decision that you know won't be liked,
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remember to reformulate the reactions and comments from your audience
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so that they feel heard and understood.
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Even if your decision is non-negotiable,
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when a colleague comes to you with a problem,
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rephrase what they are saying before responding.
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Active listening is one of the
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fundamental tools for establishing trust-based communication.
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It is indispensable when tension is palpable.
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to actively listen,
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make yourself available,
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curious and open.
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use synchronization,
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