Receiving feedback Tutorial

Unlock the power of constructive feedback in 'Receiving Feedback.' Discover 5 essential steps to transform uncomfortable critiques into growth opportunities, and learn the KSS method to engage meaningfully with your colleagues. Embrace assertiveness and courage to foster a feedback culture that propels both personal and team development. Dive into this enlightening discussion and elevate your communication skills today!

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Your colleague criticizes your lack of listening.

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Your client deplores your lack of agility.

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It is uncomfortable to receive negative feedback,

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especially if it is awkwardly or brutally addressed.

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How can we turn these critics into constructive feedback?

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In this video,

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we will see the 5 steps to receive feedback

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and then the KSS method

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to take in feedback.

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Against all odds,

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I would say that step one

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in order to receive challenging feedback

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is to listen to yourself.

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Listening to yourself is checking that this is the right time for me.

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Normally your feedback giver will have asked you the question before.

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Can I give you some feedback on this morning's meeting or on the Lombarda file?

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It's up to you

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to take a moment to find out if you are ready,

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ready to listen,

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ready to be questioned.

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Emotionally stable enough not to take everything that is expressed personally.

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If you are already annoyed or lacking in self-confidence,

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now is not the right time.

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Ask for a deadline and set a time

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no more than 2 days later when you will be receptive to their feedback.

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If the person launches into their feedback when you are not ready,

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have the courage to stop them.

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Luke,

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I'm sorry,

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this is absolutely not a good time for me to listen to your feedback.

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I suggest we talk about it again tomorrow at 10 o'clock.

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Is that OK with you?

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If he insists,

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insist on your side as well,

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I guess what you have to tell me is important.

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If we do it now,

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I will not be receptive and I risk going into verbal ping pong with you.

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Likewise,

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if you are given negative feedback in a group,

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react quickly.

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Being in public is not the place for that.

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Barbara,

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I guess what you have to tell me is important.

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I invite you to tell me about it after the meeting face to face.

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Listening to yourself is also embracing

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the discomfort that negative feedback generates.

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Negative feedback,

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even if it is formulated constructively,

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takes us out of our comfort zone.

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Sometimes it reveals weaknesses that we hate in us.

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Sometimes it reveals weaknesses that we did not suspect.

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Sometimes it seems totally unjustified or even unfair to us.

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It is therefore normal that this brings resistance or concern,

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frustration,

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anger.

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Be in self-empathy for the part of you that feels hurt.

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Use your energy to embrace it

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rather than attacking the other person back.

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Listening to yourself,

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it is finally to end the interview.

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If it is too painful or if it is taken in an aggressive way,

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you can say,

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Stop.

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I'm sorry.

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I think you have some important things to say to me,

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but I can't hear them now.

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Let's put off the interview until tomorrow.

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I suggest that everyone come up with solutions on how to resolve the situation.

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If the other person continues to speak despite your stop,

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you can either leave or change rooms without becoming aggressive.

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Are you receiving feedback?

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My first tip was to listen to yourself.

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My second tip is to listen to the other person.

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View feedback as an opportunity to learn about yourself and each other.

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Feedback is ideally received in silence.

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If the other person has learnt to turn criticism into constructive feedback,

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it will be easier.

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Be quiet and repeat,

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I'm listening until Luke has finished.

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Don't be defensive.

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Don't justify yourself.

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When we justify ourselves,

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we no longer really hear what the other person is

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saying and even what they are saying between the lines.

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Rephrase and ask questions so that the other person feels understood.

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If

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during this listening phase you feel shaken,

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remember all the positive feedback this person gave you in the past.

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At worst,

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also ask for positive feedback.

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Look,

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I hear that you don't like at all the graphic I added to this presentation,

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so I take it that you are satisfied with the rest.

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Can you also give me some feedback on this?

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Then I'll be happy to discuss what you don't like so much.

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Say it with a smile.

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Either way,

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listening to others means believing that this feedback has a purpose,

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has fruits to be collected.

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Remember that the other person's perspective will

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teach you something about him or her,

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and maybe,

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who knows,

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maybe about yourself too.

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This is neither good nor bad.

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It is neither truth nor lie.

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It is a point of view that will enrich yours.

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Do you receive feedback?

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My third tip is to explore,

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to dig into the other person's words,

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whether positive or negative.

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Make the feedback as clear as possible.

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If there is emotion in the person giving feedback,

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it will add to the confusion,

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interpretation,

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and generalization.

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Ask questions to understand better.

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Do not stay on vague or ambiguous comments such as

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your work is not neat or you lack motivation.

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Ask for examples,

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especially if the other person is giving you unsubstantiated judgments.

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You are telling me my work is not neat.

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Could you give me a specific example?

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Stay on the facts,

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the observable behavior.

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You are telling me that I am not motivated.

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Can you tell me on what occasion you felt this?

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You are telling me I'm incompetent.

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What files are you talking about?

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Getting to the precise facts will prevent you from

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setting off on a fruitless battle of opinions.

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By digging into the feedback in this way,

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you can also unmask empty criticism.

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You know,

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when someone shoots an arrow at you for no valid reason,

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they just need to bring you down out of competition or jealousy.

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Unless they criticize you and put pressure on

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you because their suffering makes them see mountains,

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they are exaggerating,

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dramatizing.

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Have you received any feedback?

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My fourth tip is to constructively rephrase what the other person is saying.

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Know how to discern facts,

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opinions,

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and demands,

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and often the feedback from others is a cocktail of it all mixed with emotions.

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In criticism,

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anything that is not observable facts is opinion.

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It's not a truth.

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Rephrase it by saying your opinion is that I disrespect you.

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You think I'm lazy.

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Reflect to the other person in mirror that this is only a prospective,

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his own.

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Whatever Luke's judgment on you,

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you no longer take it personally.

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Regularly repeat,

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you think that.

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Why do this?

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To depersonalize the attack,

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to deprive the perception of the other person of their omnipotence,

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to put things into perspective.

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And when you have rephrased the other person's opinions,

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then you can place your perception.

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I share with you the opinion

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that when I don't have specific goals,

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I work less efficiently.

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Or you tell me I don't show respect.

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My opinion on the subject is that it is not a

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lack of respect to apply for the same position as you.

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We are no longer in I'm right,

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you are wrong,

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but in you have an opinion.

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I have a different one.

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To go further,

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you can find out the need hidden in the criticism of the other person.

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Luke,

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when you tell me I'm ignoring you,

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I hear your need for me to come and greet you in your office in the morning.

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Luke,

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when you tell me that I'm always complaining,

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I hear your need for me to share with you what I love about my job.

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Indeed,

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the negative feedback of the other person speaks 90% of the time not of us,

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but of them.

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Luke needs a personalized hello addressed to him.

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He needs an environment that explicitly expresses its satisfaction.

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You will never ever take criticism personally when you

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are looking for the need of the other person

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behind their criticism.

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And if it isn't clear to you,

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you can always ask,

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what are your expectations of me when you tell me this?

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What do you need?

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If you have come to this level of clarity,

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it will be easy for you to come to step 5.

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Step 5 of feedback after everyone has listened to each other is to decide.

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Deciding

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it is to propose a unilateral change or decide how

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to solve the problem together if both parties are concerned,

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can you and will you meet the needs of the other person?

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Take the time to discern

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if the person giving you feedback asks you to be faster in processing cases,

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and that does not seem like a good strategy to you

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because the quality would be reduced,

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say no.

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If there are any points in the other person's feedback

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that you find constructive and necessary to implement,

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let them know.

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Patrick,

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I am not committing to more speed in the files.

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On the other hand,

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I agree to make an effort to speak more in meetings.

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Say this is what I will do,

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this is what I will not do.

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As an adult,

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feedback that doesn't end with a what do we do now?

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What are we changing now will not have been constructive.

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As feedback speaks more often of the need of the

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feedback giver than of the failure of the feedback receiver,

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I invite you to find solutions in which the two parties will invest in changing.

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According to my experience as a coach,

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80% of constructive feedback

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calls into question both parties.

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A feedback between two people means that two people are ready to change.

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Speaking of people ready to change,

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I invite you to establish a culture of feedback in your department.

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This is the greatest driver of continuous improvement.

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Most of the time receiving feedback will enrich you,

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so why not go and get it instead of passively waiting for it to be given to you?

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How do we collect and call for feedback?

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Jihadi's window offers us four areas based on what we know

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and don't know about us and what others know and don't know about us.

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The open area what me and others know about me,

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social identity,

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position held,

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background,

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appearance,

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the hidden area what only I know about me

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may be my ambitions,

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my emotions and fears that I don't show at work,

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my family situation,

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my weaknesses,

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and other secrets,

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the blind area,

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what others know about me that I don't know.

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To get out of blindness,

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do some personal development work or ask for feedback.

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Know what you are recognized for as talents and weaknesses.

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Ask for feedback and then rely on the feedback to grow.

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The unknown area,

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what neither I nor the others know about me.

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Ask for feedback from experts in these areas,

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such as psychologists or coaches.

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This will help you reduce this unknown area.

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I invite you to expand your open area to make it a more open zone.

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It's not about saying everything or showing everything,

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but about being conscious of yourself,

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know thyself,

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and no longer need to hide.

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The culture of feedback will help you broaden the open area for all employees.

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It's good to give and receive feedback.

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It's even more essential to ask for feedback.

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I recommend the KSS feedback strategy.

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You want to receive feedback,

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ask your supervisor,

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your colleagues,

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your collaborators vertically and horizontally,

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regarding your way of communicating or collaborating your working methods.

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KSS,

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K,

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keep doing.

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What should I keep doing?

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S stop.

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What should I stop doing?

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S start,

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what should I start doing?

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A simple way to collect feedback including positive.

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The KSS method encourages dialogue and points to the future,

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points to action.

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If Cindy comes up to you and hits you straight,

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Laurell,

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you lack team spirit.

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You can reframe it with the KSS.

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OK,

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Cindy,

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concerning my relationship to the team,

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OK,

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keep going.

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What should I keep doing?

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S stop.

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What should I stop doing?

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start,

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what should I start doing?

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KSS.

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