Domination games: why we seek power Tutorial

Discover why we have an insatiable thirst for power and how it influences our relationships at work and in life. In “The Games of Domination: Why We Seek Power,” explore crucial issues such as recognition, freedom, and the quest for energy. Embark on a reflection on assertiveness and courage, and learn how to navigate these power dynamics.

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a relationship of domination

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that inevitably leads to conflict,

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whether open or latent.

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In business,

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domination is even enacted,

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shareholder domination,

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dominance of a hierarchical chain.

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Dominance of certain key positions,

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unions,

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people with the information with a network or unique expertise.

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Dominance of some personalities with ascendance over others.

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Dominance sometimes based on age or sociocultural origin

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or even gender.

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The majority of us seek some form of power even if we hate the word.

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We will explore in this video three reasons

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that make us thirst for power

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our need for success,

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a recognition,

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our need for freedom,

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and our need for energy.

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Humans are naturally not made to be dominated.

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They have aspired since childhood to be free,

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while their body and their mind are still little aware

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of their environment and the rules of the game.

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Without the protection of adults,

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the.

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would not survive.

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They accept sometimes reluctantly the dominance of their adult circle,

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but there is a time

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when domination must stop

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to leave the young adult fully responsible for their actions and for their life.

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The child gradually becomes independent

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because the parent gradually releases their domination over them.

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Until adulthood when they are supposed to be ready

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to take 100% of the responsibility of their life,

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as a parent,

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it is often difficult to discern and on what issues it

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is time to give the child back power over their life.

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At what point

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does the parent feel

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they can let their child decide by themselves,

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even if it means going through failure and suffering.

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If we transpose this question to the world of work,

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when does the manager feel

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they can leave their team member to be his or her own authority,

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even if it means making mistakes and losing results?

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When can the manager

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dare to take the risk of letting go

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of the reins of power on their employee to give them more autonomy?

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The question is at stake

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because

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to let go of power for the manager is to take a risk,

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the risk of no longer meeting their need for success and recognition.

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Either the employee is doing wonderfully in their autonomy,

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and the recognition and success will come to them and no longer to the manager

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or the employee crashes,

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and this will hinder the manager's need for success and recognition.

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The manager is caught between a rock and a hard place.

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Allowing your employee to make mistakes by ceasing

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to take power over their choices and actions

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is to risk criticism from the hierarchy because the results will not be as expected.

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Many managers keep power in excess

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of control infantilizing their employees because

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these managers need the success and recognition that power grants them.

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When the results prevail,

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the power gas automatically kick in.

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You absolutely want your child to graduate.

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You'll use your domination skills through authority,

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rewards,

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arguments,

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threats,

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and tears for your child to achieve this goal that has become yours.

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You want to achieve better business results for

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your department according to the hierarchical demand.

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You will put pressure on your team

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and use your power for this purpose.

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Our own need for success and recognition

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therefore leads us into the waltz of domination,

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especially when we share interdependent objectives with our fellows.

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When one is responsible or even co-responsible for the results of the other person,

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then the pressure on the other person

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becomes an automatic and trivialized behavior.

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Making a leader responsible for the results of

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their employees opens the doors to domination games.

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If the manager does not have the necessary openness and hindsight,

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they will be trapped in their personal need for success and recognition,

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and they will endorse the behavior of the little boss.

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However,

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since they are dealing with adults,

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they will resist this attitude of domination which

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reduces them to the status of children.

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I will therefore conclude

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that a good manager must overcome their need for success and recognition.

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Then they can be a leader

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without being a dominator.

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We have seen how the need for success and recognition

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pushes us into games of domination.

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Now let's talk about the need for freedom.

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In a society of constraint and domination,

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it is difficult to imagine keeping your freedom

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without trying yourself to coerce and dominate others.

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A Dalai Lama perhaps has succeeded in overcoming this duality.

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We want to be free

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in our lives,

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in our choices,

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good,

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but we unfortunately believe that this requires accumulating power,

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or at least having more power than others

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and to escape their domination.

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We therefore believe

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that the more power we have over others through our personality,

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through our status or our expertise,

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the more we will be free.

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We think

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that we have to be the master of others not to be their slave.

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What follows is an escalation

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to put the other at our service

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to fulfill our desires,

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climbing the hierarchical pyramid,

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climbing the social pyramid,

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climbing the union pyramid,

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escalation of influence over others.

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I dominate you,

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so you don't dominate me,

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or else I run away from you so that you don't dominate me.

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Freedom is still very often a goal that we try to conquer outwardly

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when it can only flourish from inner freedom.

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Domination over others by seeking to control them

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will not give us any freedom.

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Control over others is anything but freedom.

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If we are not free internally,

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we will fall back into domination games whether we

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are in a large company or on our own.

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We can be free from the domination of the other person

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without dominating them,

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without arm wrestling.

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We can be autonomous while living among others,

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cooperating effectively

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in the performance of common projects,

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whether being a manager or not.

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The need for energy.

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Finally,

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the third false reason

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that prompts us to enter into power games

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is our need for energy.

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We speak of feeding games,

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feed on the energy of the other,

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their presence,

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and even better their obedience.

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Feeling an influx of energy as you dominate the other person.

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Toxic personalities are said to be like leeches that siphon energy from.

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Others

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at a certain level,

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yes,

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when you are the leader,

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when you have the power,

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when everyone listens to us and obeys us,

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it fills us.

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You don't have to be a toxic personality to feel the satisfaction

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most humans get from being listened to or obeyed.

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Some managers will push the feeding game by recruiting

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people who will obey them as soldiers would,

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or team members who will listen to their advice without interrupting them.

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Some dominant managers will develop attitudes of systematic rejection

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of any proposal or initiative from their employee.

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They say no,

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and then they feel strong and powerful.

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Feeders can have pleasure belittling the other,

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or they can feed off the other person by simply flooding them with a.

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Never ending speech with complaints or advice or personal stories,

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and when the employee leaves the office,

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the manager feels invigorated

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while the employee has no energy left

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or vice versa.

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Employees can be feeders as well.

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There has been siphoning of energy through power games,

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and this siphoning fills the dominant

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whilst the dominated finds themselves emptied.

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Remember,

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the dominated can also be the hierarchical superior

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who lets themselves be eaten by the employee.

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When the dominated lets those games go on,

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it's a safe bet that this feeding game will last a long time.

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Are you wondering in what situations you are involved in a feeding game?

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Watch how many times you come out of the one encounter drained

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while the other is all refreshed

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and vice versa.

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When

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each one takes back the power over their life,

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the responsibility over their life,

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having neither the need of a master who directs them

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nor the need of a slave who obeys them,

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or the need of someone to save,

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then the corporation will begin to be constructive and extremely effective.

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If you are no longer governed by the need for recognition and success,

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if you stop believing that freedom comes through domination.

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If you find your energy within yourself without siphoning that of the

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other person and letting yourself be drained by the other person.

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Then

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you can live healthy relationships without power gains,

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and conflicts will become more and more distant from your daily life

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to make room for win-win collaboration.

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