Freeing yourself from the need of approval Tutorial

Are you tired of constantly seeking approval from others? In 'Freeing Yourself from the Need of Approval,' this engaging video delves into the reasons behind our need for validation and offers empowering strategies to break free. Discover how self-love can help you embrace authenticity, live on your own terms, and attract genuine connections. Don't let the fear of judgment hold you back – watch now and start your journey toward true self-acceptance!

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for love,

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for appreciation from our surroundings for who we are

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and what we do.

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We strive for perfection.

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We act according to others.

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We strive to fulfill

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their desires

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by disconnecting from our own.

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We are basically like puppets in the hands of others.

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In this video we'll see why we seek approval so much and how to break free from it.

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Why do we think we need approval?

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It's so good to get approval.

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Most of us appreciate it and feel good after getting it.

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It feels like eating a delicious meal or getting a nice gift.

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Nothing wrong with that.

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This part of ourselves that is sensitive to the approval of others

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is the same part that's sensitive to the happiness of others,

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the part that feels what others like or

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dislike and what contributes to their happiness.

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Our empathetic part that is a beautiful gift.

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If others show happiness when we evolve alongside them,

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we can then decently believe

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that our behavior has a positive influence on them,

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that we contributed to making them happy,

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how rewarding.

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Receiving approval means being certainly surrounded by happy people.

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He's pleased with me.

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The lights are green.

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Yes,

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it's going to be a good day,

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but do we really hold the power to make others happy?

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Or did they create their own happiness?

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It's a big debate.

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Either way,

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in order to free ourselves from our need for approval,

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it is necessary to know what keeps that need there.

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Why do I need approval so much?

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Is it because without the approval of others I end up doubting myself and my worth,

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or is it because I cannot stand living with someone who is unsatisfied,

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grumpy,

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sad,

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nagging?

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In that case,

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I will make a point of putting a smile back on the face of others

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by being a great employee,

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a loving spouse,

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an exemplary boss,

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a compliant mother.

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I want to make people happy.

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If you take on the mission of making people around you happy

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and you think you have failed every time,

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they're mad at you or they criticize your every move,

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then you're not done chasing the carrot of their satisfaction.

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You are in a prison.

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As long as you have to deal

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with someone negative,

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depressed,

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and or even a bit manipulative,

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you will have to dance to gain their approval.

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Up until the day you'll wake up saying it's not my duty to make you happy.

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I'm done bending over backwards for you to be pleased with me.

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I am who I am and I don't need you to congratulate me.

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You can even keep on criticizing me.

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I will keep on being and becoming what I choose to be and become.

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You are responsible for your own happiness.

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We can keep our sensitivity to what makes others happy and

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sometimes choose our words and acts according to what people like,

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but that will be a free choice without forgetting ourselves.

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Freeing yourself from the need for approval means not trying to

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fulfill the expectations of others as if that were your mission.

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This behavior is more characteristic of women.

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They often take it as their duty to fulfill

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other people's needs and expectations.

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First their partners,

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then their children's.

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In fact,

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it's kind of written into the female DNA.

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At a time when it was the man who brought home the money to support the family,

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the woman was in a very vulnerable position.

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If the man who had the money was not pleased with his wife,

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he could get rid of her.

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Having an unsatisfied man at home meant risking

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to end up on the street with no resources

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while sometimes having to care for the children.

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Without physical force or any law on their side,

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women developed a survival strategy which consisted of

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detecting what pleases or bothers others,

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fulfilling those needs while forgetting their own.

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Today,

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women are more autonomous and protected.

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Their survival is not at stake anymore

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if their partner is not satisfied with their behavior.

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But

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despite everything,

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many women and men too

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keep on bending over backwards

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to their expense so that their partner or boss or

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client is pleased and shows it with signs of approval,

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as if their life depended on it.

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I need to be loved.

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Our need for approval is often linked

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to a need for love,

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appreciation.

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We try to reshape,

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to polish ourselves so as to conform to what others society expect of you.

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We sometimes turn into clones.

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I remember when I first got into business school.

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It was a happy mixture of city dwellers and country folk,

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people of every social class.

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Some came from university,

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others from prep school.

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After graduation,

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everybody was dressing and talking the same way.

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The need for approval and for belonging made us conform.

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Most of us had fallen into the same mold.

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We need lots of self-love to not fall into the mold suggested by the group,

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the school,

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the company.

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We need lots of self-love to dare and stay unique and different.

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Social pressure can often be an insidious player.

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Nobody's forcing us to change,

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but we change ourselves to feel like we belong to the group approved by it.

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One needs serious perspective to continue being authentic

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without wearing a social mask.

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This necessitates staying constantly connected with oneself.

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What kind of life do I want to live?

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Who am I?

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What's important to me?

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I know people who,

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at 50 years of age,

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gave up their job and friends because they realized that none of that suited them.

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They realized that they forced themselves for their entire

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life to do things that did not suit them.

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By being authentic,

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free of the need to conform,

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the need to be liked,

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we attract other people,

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other jobs,

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another universe.

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We will be subject to the criticism of the world that we're leaving behind,

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but that's normal.

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Seeing us leave the mold makes other people feel vulnerable.

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So the real question here is not knowing how

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to free myself from the need for approval,

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but instead,

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what do I want to do and to experience that I didn't

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allow myself to do or experience out of fear of other people's judgment

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and just do it.

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You will receive a lot of criticism and some applause and encouragement.

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That is how you know your real friends,

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your real supporters.

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Do not wait to be free of this need for love to do things.

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Do things and your need for love will disintegrate.

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How could we dare to live without judgment of value?

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Because in fact we don't need any approval.

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We don't need it to live.

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It's kind of like saying that we don't need candy.

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They may be delicious,

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and if you like them,

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I hope you'll eat them often,

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but they are not a need.

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I wish you receive approval,

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but I also wish you don't need it.

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To further elaborate on the subject

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and open a new window,

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I will give the floor to some very interesting pedagogues such as Faber,

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Mazlik,

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Arnaud,

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Stern,

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and others.

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According to them,

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giving feedback to a child,

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whether positive or negative,

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can hinder their creativity

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and their natural self-esteem.

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If you tell a child that their drawing is beautiful,

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they may feel bad all the other times that you don't.

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They will deduce that every time you don't

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tell them that their drawing is beautiful,

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then it's not,

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and they could lose confidence every time approval isn't expressed.

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As soon as we emit a judgment of value on a child's creations,

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we condition them to always seek applause.

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What should we then say to a child showing us their drawing?

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These pedagogues advise us to just say what we see

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or feel or imagine while looking at the drawing.

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There's an exchange.

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We are showing interest for both the drawing and the child,

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but no judgment of value is emitted on the child or on the drawing.

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The idea is interesting.

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This open and neutral attitude can be often used

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in the right way in our everyday life,

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family or work,

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contemplating without judging,

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talking about what we're observing and feeling and imagining

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without entering into the duality of its good,

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it's bad,

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it's ugly,

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it's beautiful,

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it's smart,

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it's stupid.

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However,

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we live in a world where the mind that judges and gauges is omnipresent.

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It is therefore necessary to know how to face

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the compliments and criticism we receive every day,

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knowing how to receive them while still having perspective and good self-esteem,

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loving ourselves

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regardless of the judgment of others.

Mandarine AI: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW