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you have to know how to refrain from managing conflict with words,
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words that often go wrong in verbal ping pong,
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where everyone returns the ball to each end of the table,
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fueling the competition.
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The good intention to want to settle the conflict
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using words is not always the most appropriate.
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It may be wise to bypass the mind,
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this mind which is sometimes obsessed with its need to
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settle and resolve the conflict with arguments and strategy.
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Here are three conflict avoidance tactics silence,
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and distraction.
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with the bypass with silence.
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Sometimes the best way to move towards conflict resolution is through silence.
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Do you have someone in front of you who is driven by their anger?
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It will spread in accusations,
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You have the choice.
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You can enter the vicious cycle of violence with them.
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You can interrupt them with each slip on their part with a stop.
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You can decide to postpone the discussion until they are calm.
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You can finally be quiet.
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Let them empty their emotional bag until the purge is done.
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This is one solution among many.
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It requires a great deal of emotional control.
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I only recommend this solution if you have enough self-emppathy and self-esteem
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that you don't get hurt by the other's accusations.
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You watch the other person in their turmoil of emotion.
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as you stay in the eye of the cyclone perfectly relaxed,
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that what the other one says and thinks is not yours.
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You know that they have the right to think
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what they want of you without it affecting you.
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They are free to believe what they want.
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They are free to express whatever emotions they want.
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Don't make it your problem.
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You have the hindsight,
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like the hindsight of a parent
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who hears their child yelling at them that they hate them
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without making a big deal out of it.
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It's just that the pain and anger of the person in front of you has to come out.
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Don't make it personal.
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You don't have to justify yourself.
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Defend yourself,
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admit it right or wrong.
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Just let the other one get their anger out,
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which is only pain or fear in disguise.
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Imagine that you are in a safe place
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and nothing can get to you.
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Be full of love for yourself in silence in the heart of the other's storm,
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even if it means not hearing everything they say but still present in your body.
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Looking at the other without emotion until they have let all the steam off.
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When the other person becomes silent,
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you will come out of your silence.
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Then you will speak out without accusation to seek the solution.
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If the strategy of silent listening does not bring calm,
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it can take a long time.
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It means that the other person is definitely expecting something from you.
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In which case you can tell them
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I hear all your anger and the expression of your grievances against me.
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What do you want from me?
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Empathy is the second strategy for getting around conflict.
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If silence is not enough,
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it is certainly empathy that will bring relief.
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Take the other into account.
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Tell them that you understand their vision.
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Accept their anger,
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and their sadness by naming them without judgment.
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you believe that this project was yours by right,
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that you were the most competent to handle it and that you deserved it.
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My choice to entrust this project to Vincent seems very unfair
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to you and makes you angry with me and Vincent,
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I hear you think I shouldn't have spoken to
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the client without discussing the matter with you before.
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You felt undermined.
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You think you lost your credibility with the client because of me.
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Here are two examples of taking others into account with their opinions,
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even if they accuse us and their emotions without passing judgment,
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without seeking to defend ourselves.
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Empathy can also manifest itself through questions of relevance.
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How did you experience the problem?
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How would you have liked us to proceed?
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What do you suggest we do next time?
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These are questions that welcome the other person,
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and their solutions,
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moving them away from a light and shade or accusatory discourse.
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is being able to say to whoever yells at us,
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I love you or I respect you,
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because in fact that is what they are asking for when they accuse us of hurting them.
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The third conflict workaround strategy I suggest to you is distraction.
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Whether physical or mental,
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physical distraction involves moving the person who
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is stuck in a confrontational dialogue.
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Do we not say to stand firm in one's position?
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Make sure you move physically if you feel the dialogue is deadlocked.
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Uncross your arms or legs.
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Move your chair,
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Your perspective will change.
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De-synchronize with the other person
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by taking a deep breath,
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adopting a different posture,
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changing volume,
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or tone of your voice.
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Create a physical break
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that will help create a mental break.
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Mind distraction is one of the tools most
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used by parents in conflicts with children.
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The child gets angry because it does not get what it wants from the other.
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It's always so in the adult world.
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Two adults get angry because they do not get what they want from the other.
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the child gets angry,
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and the adult shows them a plane flying through the sky
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or explains to them that tonight we'll have pancakes.
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we can also be smarter than the aspect of us that leans into conflict
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by talking about something else,
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by pretending to receive a phone call using humor or joking.
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It's only one aspect of us that is in conflict.
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We are much bigger than this aspect.
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We can get out of our rut
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through physical or mental distraction and take a step back from the issues,
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behave as master,
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there are three conflict workaround tactics silence,
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and distraction,
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physical or mental.
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