00:00:09
and on each other.
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a change in our limiting beliefs.
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There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.
00:00:18
To me it is a prism.
00:00:20
We are victims of the narrowness of our judgment on the world,
00:00:24
wrote William Shakespeare.
00:00:27
And beliefs are most of the time generating our negative emotions.
00:00:33
our suffering and our conflicts,
00:00:37
because of our judgment of what is
00:00:39
rather than because of what is.
00:00:43
when the other person is lying to us or insulting us,
00:00:47
not because they are lying to us or.
00:00:52
we feel bad when the other person lies or insults us,
00:00:57
not because they are lying to us and insulting us,
00:01:00
but because we feel that lying and insulting is wrong.
00:01:06
And this judgment,
00:01:07
what the other person is doing is wrong,
00:01:10
arouses unpleasant emotions in us.
00:01:15
emotions do not precede judgment,
00:01:17
they follow them.
00:01:19
We sometimes believe that emotions precede judgment
00:01:24
because we are not even aware of our judgments of our beliefs.
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what the other person is doing is wrong,
00:01:32
and we deduce that the solution is for them to change.
00:01:37
All we think what I am doing is wrong,
00:01:40
and we think we need to change.
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We feel bad when our boss blames us,
00:01:47
not because he blames us.
00:01:51
we feel bad when our boss blames us,
00:01:54
not because he blames us.
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We feel bad because we feel he shouldn't blame us
00:02:01
or because we feel guilty that we haven't done well.
00:02:07
because we judge others or we judge ourselves.
00:02:11
It's all a question of perception or belief.
00:02:15
It is in our mind that the spiral of stress and conflict is created.
00:02:22
Conflict often arises from our judgment of what is.
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We believe that.
00:02:27
It is not normal.
00:02:29
We believe that it should be otherwise.
00:02:33
I'm not enough intelligent,
00:02:37
or listen to enough.
00:02:38
At work we feel that my boss is too demanding or unfair,
00:02:44
or we blame our colleague.
00:02:45
Our man should never have done that.
00:02:48
Intelligent questioning can help us break out of our limiting beliefs that create
00:02:56
stress and conflict.
00:02:57
Byron Katie in her book Loving What Is
00:03:01
invites us to investigate all the thoughts that keep us under stress.
00:03:07
For this purpose,
00:03:08
she offers us 4 questions
00:03:11
and a turnaround.
00:03:14
Linda doesn't respect me.
00:03:21
Can you be absolutely certain that this is true?
00:03:25
Can you be sure that it is true that Linda?
00:03:28
Doesn't respect me.
00:03:30
This repeated question must shake a little our black and white certainty.
00:03:36
We realize that this is only an opinion,
00:03:40
and not the truth.
00:03:44
How do you react?
00:03:46
What happens when you believe this thought?
00:03:49
What does it create in me?
00:03:53
thoughts when I am convinced that it is true,
00:03:56
when I am convinced without any doubt that Linda doesn't respect me.
00:04:02
That moment we realize that our perception of which we are a little less sure
00:04:09
generates in us a lot of negative emotion,
00:04:12
reactions like stress and anger,
00:04:15
reactions like pulling a long face at Linda,
00:04:19
criticizing her with colleagues.
00:04:23
Who would you be without this sort?
00:04:28
And how would my life be
00:04:30
if I never ever believe that it is true,
00:04:33
if I don't cultivate the certainty that Linda doesn't respect me at this stage,
00:04:41
you realize that if you stop thinking Linda doesn't respect me,
00:04:46
you will have much more positive.
00:04:48
Emotions and behavior
00:04:50
which shouldn't prevent you from being assertive in front of Linda.
00:04:56
these four questions
00:04:58
are about stirring the mind and its certainties and showing it
00:05:03
how this kind of thinking makes life very difficult and stressful.
00:05:08
The last step of this technique is to turn round the belief
00:05:13
with similar but reversed sentences.
00:05:16
We can have fun turning thoughts around by arguing in their favor.
00:05:21
If we take the belief Linda doesn't respect me,
00:05:25
here are interesting turnarounds like I disrespected Linda.
00:05:30
My boss disrespected Linda,
00:05:33
or Linda doesn't respect herself even,
00:05:36
or even I do not respect my.
00:05:38
Self argue in the favor of each of these turnarounds.
00:05:43
It will help shift your perspectives and open up new paths.
00:05:48
This questioning of limiting beliefs can be done on any
00:05:52
thoughts that keep stress and conflict in your life.
00:05:57
my supplier is dishonest,
00:05:59
my colleague is lazy,
00:06:01
my boss shouldn't ask me so much.
00:06:03
For fundamental beliefs,
00:06:05
professional help is sometimes necessary.
00:06:08
In most of my coaching,
00:06:11
especially for very cerebral people who think they are right to fight.
00:06:15
I use questioning beliefs.
00:06:18
There are conflicts that cannot be managed without lifting
00:06:22
the certainties in which the mind often clings to,
00:06:27
certain that it is right.
00:06:28
Our mind unfortunately prefers to be right rather than see us happy,
00:06:35
would you rather be right when you can never be
00:06:38
sure you are 100% right rather than being happy.
00:06:42
Would you rather be right
00:06:44
rather than resolve the conflict?
00:06:47
to keep your certainties
00:06:49
even if they make you stressed and fuel conflict with those around you?
00:06:54
Byron Katty calls this questioning
00:06:58
sifting through our beliefs that generate stress and conflict in
00:07:02
us and around us is indeed a real work,
00:07:06
whether we do or not with these four questions,
00:07:10
but which can bring so much liberation,
00:07:13
I suggest you take your certainties that generate stress or conflict and sift them
00:07:18
through the wonderful work questioning.
00:07:21
Patricia disrespected me.
00:07:24
And what does it create in me when I think about it?
00:07:28
We are undergoing so much change.
00:07:32
And who will I be if I stop repeating that thought?
00:07:36
There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.
00:07:41
To me it is a prison,
00:07:42
and we are victims of the narrowness of our judgment on the world,
00:07:46
wrote William Shakespeare.
00:07:47
Shake up some of your certainties.
00:07:50
Let go of the ballast.
00:07:52
You will be the first beneficiary.
00:07:56
one last limiting belief.
00:07:59
I am not the right person for this new position.
00:08:03
And what would I do if I stopped thinking that way?
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