The ego states : parent, adult, child Tutorial

Unlock the secrets of communication in 'The Ego States: Parent, Adult, Child.' This insightful video delves into how our interactions are shaped by three critical ego states. Discover how to navigate conflicts and assert yourself effectively, breaking free from limiting behaviors. Engage with unique perspectives on interpersonal dynamics and elevate your relationship skills today!

  • 12:07
  • 3 views
résultat(s)
00:00:06
when you assert yourself,
00:00:07
when you are in conflict,
00:00:09
the parent in you,
00:00:11
the adult in you,
00:00:12
or the child in you?
00:00:14
Who is in charge?
00:00:15
We are going to decipher together what we call the ego states parent,
00:00:20
adult,
00:00:21
child
00:00:22
that complicate communication with those around us.
00:00:25
This tool is one of the first developed by Eric Byrne,
00:00:29
founder of Transactional Analysis.
00:00:32
Sometimes we behave like one of our parents or grandparents.
00:00:37
Sometimes we take on the attitudes we used to have as children,
00:00:40
and sometimes we act like the adult we have become.
00:00:44
These are the three states of the ego that
00:00:47
we visualize by three stacked circles P parent,
00:00:52
A,
00:00:53
adult,
00:00:54
C
00:00:55
child.
00:00:56
The parent state breaks down into controlling parent and nurturing parent.
00:01:02
And the child state breaks down into conforming child,
00:01:05
rebellious child,
00:01:07
and free child.
00:01:09
We alternate these three states and these six roles,
00:01:13
but we favor some over others,
00:01:15
especially when there's tension.
00:01:18
Here is a situation with the 3 states and the 6 roles.
00:01:23
Simon,
00:01:23
rebellious child.
00:01:25
I'm really sick of this company.
00:01:27
We are being squeezed like lemons.
00:01:29
Linda,
00:01:30
nurturing parent,
00:01:31
it's true,
00:01:32
you look exhausted,
00:01:33
you've given so much.
00:01:35
Can you take a vacation?
00:01:37
Simon control in parent.
00:01:39
Oh no,
00:01:40
no way.
00:01:41
I have to finish the X file first out of respect for the client.
00:01:46
Linda,
00:01:46
adult,
00:01:47
it's your choice.
00:01:49
Simon conforming child,
00:01:52
no,
00:01:53
I have no choice.
00:01:54
I endure it.
00:01:55
It was Andrea who decided on the deadline.
00:01:58
Linda,
00:01:59
controlling parent.
00:02:01
Come on,
00:02:02
you could be a little braver and learn how to assert yourself in front of Andre.
00:02:07
Simon,
00:02:08
free child.
00:02:09
If I were brave,
00:02:10
I would have already gone traveling around the world
00:02:13
like I've dreamt of for so many years.
00:02:16
Linda,
00:02:17
adult,
00:02:18
traveling the world.
00:02:19
How so?
00:02:21
Simon,
00:02:22
nurturing parent,
00:02:24
but I have to support my family,
00:02:26
so forget it.
00:02:27
Linda,
00:02:28
free child.
00:02:29
What do you mean forget?
00:02:31
There is always a solution when you hold on to your dreams.
00:02:34
Simon,
00:02:35
adult,
00:02:36
this is true,
00:02:37
but in this case my choice today is to continue this work that I love.
00:02:43
Linda,
00:02:43
rebellious child,
00:02:45
so you wouldn't stop complaining about the company,
00:02:47
but you calmly let them eat you alive?
00:02:50
Simon,
00:02:51
controlling parent,
00:02:52
you'd better catch up on your backlog rather than wasting time with me,
00:02:57
Linda,
00:02:57
nurturing parent.
00:02:59
I just wanted to help and encourage you.
00:03:01
You deserve it.
00:03:03
Simon,
00:03:04
adult,
00:03:05
your intention is much appreciated.
00:03:07
Thank you.
00:03:08
We all have access to two parent stage which represent what we have learnt
00:03:13
the controlling parent and the nurturing parent.
00:03:17
The controlling parent's function is protecting
00:03:20
and transmitting norms and values.
00:03:23
They assert their certainties.
00:03:25
They give advice,
00:03:26
they teach and supervise.
00:03:28
They set this is good,
00:03:30
this is bad rules,
00:03:31
and monitor their follow up.
00:03:33
They protect from danger.
00:03:36
In conflict,
00:03:37
if you get stuck in the controlling parent and become a critical parent,
00:03:41
you criticize and lecture the other.
00:03:44
You are convinced you know everything.
00:03:47
You impose your points of view and your value system.
00:03:51
You attack the other with you must,
00:03:53
you have to.
00:03:54
It is wrong.
00:03:55
You did not understand.
00:03:57
Summon in the conforming or rebellious child in them.
00:04:00
If you point your critical parenthood towards yourself,
00:04:04
you risk being all day long in self-criticism,
00:04:07
guilt,
00:04:08
and doubt.
00:04:09
An excess of control in parenting leads to
00:04:13
critical parenting and fosters the I must,
00:04:16
I should have attitude and undermines joy and self-confidence.
00:04:21
The nurturing parent holds a function of permission and encouragement.
00:04:26
You can,
00:04:27
I allow you to
00:04:28
be more maternal.
00:04:30
They reassure,
00:04:31
compliment,
00:04:32
and express their trust in others.
00:04:34
They take care of others,
00:04:35
feed them.
00:04:37
The nurturing parent anticipates the needs of others and supports them by helping.
00:04:43
If you get stuck in the nurturing parent attitude,
00:04:46
you become a rescuing parent.
00:04:49
You're going to play the role of the savior by being the good soul
00:04:53
who takes it upon themselves to make others happy and figure things out.
00:04:58
Instead
00:04:59
of letting everyone take and own their responsibilities,
00:05:03
you risk creating toxic codependency for yourself
00:05:07
and each other.
00:05:09
You risk asphyxiating them with your affection,
00:05:12
your desire to help.
00:05:14
Do you need to feel needed?
00:05:17
Do you only love yourself because you feel useful?
00:05:21
Take a step back,
00:05:23
use your nurturing skills to take care of yourself first,
00:05:27
to give yourself recognition,
00:05:29
to encourage yourself
00:05:31
to achieve your desires.
00:05:34
We all have access to 3 child states
00:05:37
which represent the realm of feeling and emotions,
00:05:41
the conforming child,
00:05:43
the rebellious child,
00:05:44
and the free child.
00:05:46
The function of the conforming child is to adapt to the environment around them.
00:05:52
Since they are very receptive to the words of the controlling parent,
00:05:57
they will listen
00:05:58
and follow their precepts.
00:06:01
According to them,
00:06:02
the standard of what they should do and think is external,
00:06:06
and they observe,
00:06:08
listen,
00:06:08
and submit to it
00:06:10
so that everything turns out as well as possible.
00:06:13
If you get stuck in the conforming child,
00:06:16
you will become a submissive child.
00:06:19
You will obey people that seem to know better than you
00:06:22
what to do and what to say.
00:06:25
You will seek to please those around you by being silent
00:06:28
or supporting them or taking action just to please them.
00:06:32
The fear of being hurt
00:06:34
or left out will make you a yes yes person,
00:06:38
slumped and submissive,
00:06:40
reinforcing the power games of others towards you and forgetting your own needs.
00:06:45
Growing up and coming out of the submissive child state means choosing standards
00:06:50
and values that are yours instead of submitting to those of the parent.
00:06:56
It means daring to set limits and say no,
00:07:00
even if it means triggering the anger of a
00:07:02
toxic parent who asks only for your submissive obedience.
00:07:07
The second child state is the rebellious child.
00:07:11
It holds a function of legitimate opposition.
00:07:15
They act and express themselves just as much as the conforming child,
00:07:20
depending on the parental requirements.
00:07:22
But unlike the submissive child who adapts to them,
00:07:25
the rebellious child establishes their identity by opposing
00:07:30
what has been suggested or imposed during childhood.
00:07:34
The rebellious child can become a never ending protesting child during a conflict.
00:07:39
They are against everything akin to authority.
00:07:43
They establish certainties and values that are opposed to what they were taught.
00:07:48
Counterdependent,
00:07:50
the protesting child overreacts to anything that seems to prevent them
00:07:54
from enjoying freedom or restrain their impulses and desires.
00:07:59
They can throw huge tantrums if any obstacle comes in
00:08:03
the way of fulfilling their desires as a child.
00:08:06
Sometimes
00:08:07
their rebellion can prevent them from being in touch with their own needs,
00:08:11
their adult needs.
00:08:12
They are not free but simply counterdependent.
00:08:16
They still live according to the norm by opposing it.
00:08:19
The free child is the one who knows how to express
00:08:22
their needs and emotions in a simple and natural way.
00:08:27
They do it without judgment,
00:08:29
without preconceptions or bias.
00:08:31
Like children,
00:08:32
they have the ability to create,
00:08:35
imagine,
00:08:35
entertain themselves,
00:08:37
and they live and express their emotions
00:08:39
and needs without guilt or ulterior motives.
00:08:43
They are a spontaneous portal of imagination and intuition
00:08:48
beyond the filter of thoughts and obligations used by the other states of parent,
00:08:53
adult and child.
00:08:55
The free child has the ability to bring out joy and humor even in difficult times.
00:09:01
Are you driving through a police checkpoint?
00:09:04
The controlling parent may say.
00:09:06
You are right to check regularly with all these young delinquents around,
00:09:10
or you'd better check the people speeding.
00:09:13
A conforming child will say,
00:09:15
my papers,
00:09:16
officer,
00:09:16
of course I can also give you my identity card,
00:09:19
my insurance,
00:09:20
my.
00:09:21
A rebellious child will say,
00:09:23
I didn't do anything.
00:09:24
I don't see why I should give you my papers.
00:09:27
The free child could say,
00:09:28
Ah,
00:09:29
officer,
00:09:30
it is so sunny and hot today.
00:09:32
Wouldn't you rather come and have a drink?
00:09:33
I know a great place.
00:09:35
In a difficult communication,
00:09:37
the free child will not necessarily be constructive,
00:09:40
although they can be very creative.
00:09:43
But they will be able to maintain a good mood
00:09:46
for those who are not offended by their freedom.
00:09:49
The most rationalego state is the adult state.
00:09:53
It analyses situations,
00:09:55
assimilates information,
00:09:57
deals with problems.
00:09:59
They often speak in a neutral,
00:10:01
rational,
00:10:01
informal tone.
00:10:03
They hold the function of environmental exploration.
00:10:07
To the question,
00:10:08
what time is it?
00:10:09
They will not respond as a controlling parent.
00:10:12
You still have an hour to finish the file.
00:10:15
Hurry.
00:10:16
Nor as a nurturing parent.
00:10:17
Don't worry,
00:10:18
I will help you finish the file.
00:10:20
Nor,
00:10:21
as a conforming child,
00:10:22
sorry I'm late.
00:10:23
I will hurry.
00:10:24
I'll be done soon.
00:10:26
Nor as a rebellious child.
00:10:28
We don't care about the time.
00:10:29
There's no rush,
00:10:30
nor
00:10:31
as a free child.
00:10:33
It's time to buy yourself a watch.
00:10:36
To the question what time is it,
00:10:38
the adult will answer it is 4:50 p.m. period.
00:10:43
However,
00:10:44
if you find yourself stuck in the adult ego state,
00:10:47
others,
00:10:48
whether they're in parent or child state,
00:10:51
may feel misunderstood or even irritated by
00:10:54
the lack of emotion in your relationship.
00:10:57
They will feel like they're talking to a robot
00:10:59
that feels nothing.
00:11:01
In conflict,
00:11:02
the advantage of the adult is that they stick
00:11:05
to facts without adding their tension to the communication.
00:11:09
They're not battling with either judgment or emotions.
00:11:12
They will be able to stick to the
00:11:14
facts and seek satisfactory solutions for everyone.
00:11:18
If they rely on the free child to be creative,
00:11:21
to know how to express needs and emotions,
00:11:24
and to put things into perspective,
00:11:26
together the free child and the adult will be the pillars of conflict resolution.
00:11:32
To conclude,
00:11:33
we all have access within ourselves to parent,
00:11:37
controlling,
00:11:38
and nurturing states,
00:11:39
adult states,
00:11:40
and child states conforming,
00:11:42
rebellious,
00:11:43
and free.
00:11:45
Each of these roles has an essential function and
00:11:48
brings balance to our life and our relationships.
00:11:51
It's up to us to choose our state at the right time
00:11:56
in the right situations with the right people.
00:11:59
In conflicts,
00:12:00
I recommend a gentle balance between the free child state
00:12:04
and the adult state.

No elements match your search in this video....
Do another search or back to content !

 

Mandarine AI: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

An Error Has Occurred

Unable to save your progress. Please reload the page, log in, and try again. If the problem persists, please contact an administrator.

Close

Reminder

Show

/

Join Live Training Session