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You have to distinguish between two essential elements,
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the problem and its inflation.
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The initial problem,
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an organizational problem,
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It is not enough to turn into conflict.
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You need the fuel that will allow the fire to spread,
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According to Jean Poitras,
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Canadian expert in conflict management.
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There are two types of fuel avoidance and escalation.
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avoidance and escalation,
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the smallest disagreement can lead to a drama.
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Let's take a closer look at these two inflation factors and
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see how to stop the flow of these toxic gasses.
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Avoiding conflict is refusing to talk about it.
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Whatever the reasons for this avoidance,
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if the issue is important to at least one.
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The parties then avoiding it will aggravate the conflict.
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Here are the four main reasons why a person chooses the toxic gas of avoidance.
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are under the illusion
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that everything will work out on their own without having to talk about them.
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They believe that time and reason will do their work without having to communicate.
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disagreements will not resolve themselves without talking about them
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unless one of the two parties ends up giving in without saying a word.
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Most of the time
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things won't just stagnate,
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they will get worse.
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Make these naive people realize that believing
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that everything will work out without talking
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increases the costs and risks of conflict.
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that there is no point in talking,
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that it is not worth it,
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that this will not help since it's a hopeless case.
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These arguments are often those of people who have
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not developed the necessary social skills for conflict management.
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They are actually suppressed.
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They don't know what to say or what to do.
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Having barely developed their communication and active listening skills,
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they are sure that talking will be pointless.
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They close up to dialogue and thus aggravate the conflict.
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It would be good to explain to them
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the impacts of avoidance.
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Help them express themselves by offering
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a safe discussion with pragmatic questions.
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Help these recalcitrant people
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that are inhibited in dialogue
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to find the right words and express their solutions.
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The third reason.
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For choosing avoidance,
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some people think they have too much to lose by putting
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their cards on the table and looking for a common solution.
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Sometimes because refusing to speak suits them.
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in the case of a conflict between two colleagues,
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one of them is late with the files and thereby delays the other,
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refusing to talk about the problem.
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Allows the slow one to continue working at their own pace
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without worrying about their consequence on their colleagues.
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Avoiding talking about the problem suits them.
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They don't want the situation to change.
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have everyone speak up
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about what's important to them first.
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show how this balance of power will worsen the conflict at the expense of everyone,
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including the team.
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The fourth reason for choosing avoidance,
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those who think there is too much to lose by talking about the conflict,
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perhaps out of fear that the other person might explode
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or that they might get caught or hurt even more,
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or out of fear of losing their temper and hurt.
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Someone else by saying or doing things they would regret
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while the attention might be good,
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not harming the other,
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not being harmed,
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refusing dialogue will only aggravate the conflict.
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The conflict mediator will have to facilitate
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discussions while avoiding the power games.
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They also need to incite everyone to determine what is important to them
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and discuss the options together.
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Now let's look at the second factor of inflation,
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the second poisonous gas,
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A feels assaulted,
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rightly or wrongly by B.
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they react by attacking B,
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who then reacts,
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and that's the escalation.
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No one wants to stop to give in.
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Frustration builds up and aggression increases until one or both cross the.
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Others boundaries,
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a point of no return.
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Personal attacks,
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manipulation of the other colleague or malice,
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and then it's war.
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There are three factors that make a conflict escalate.
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the competitive person.
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They will argue,
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They want to have the last word,
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not giving in and getting what they want is essential to their ego.
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The conflict is an opportunity for them to validate their strength.
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it will be necessary to negotiate,
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putting things into perspective
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and to bring down their need to always win.
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Make the competitor understand that their own interest and that of the other
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lies in resolving the conflict.
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And if necessary,
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set up a negotiation without the parties meeting face to face
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to avoid the competitive person's dominance.
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emotionally harmed people tend to engage in escalation.
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Words or events exchanged during the conflict have awakened old wounds,
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which adds to the intensity of the conflict.
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The person feels attacked in their image,
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rejected or betrayed,
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and for them the insult is such that they demand reparations or even revenge.
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Help the affected person express their feelings
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and vocalize their emotions and welcome them with kindness.
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In the most extreme case of harm,
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this vocalization should be done in front of the opposite.
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that the affected person may need the other to express regrets or apologize
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so that they can then think of a solution.
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The third escalating factor
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is blaming others
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when we attribute responsibility or negative intentions to the other,
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accusing the other of incompetence,
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or holding them solely responsible for the conflict,
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This will contribute to their mistrust and resentment
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to get out of the escalation
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due to this accusation,
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it will be necessary to provide clarifications.
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recall the facts,
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the initial context that led to the conflict.
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Then retrace the stages of the conflict step by step.
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Look at how certain choices,
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certain actions,
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and certain words were hard for the other party.
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Explain each other's intentions at each step.
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Any negative or misunderstood intentions.
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It will therefore be necessary to clarify the responsibility
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each one holds in the escalation
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and the resulting difficulties.
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when the accusation has been swept away through clarification.
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The people in conflict will be ready to look for solutions,
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as you will have noticed,
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the more these evasive and escalating factors ignite the conflict,
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the more useful a third party intervention will be
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before the entire team is under fire.
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This third party,
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be it a manager or a mediator.
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Will try not to be too intrusive
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so that everyone develops the autonomy
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and the creativity necessary to manage disagreements.
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Two other videos from the conflict management program tackle in
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further detail these diffusing strategies of escalation and avoidance.
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