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our successes and our failures and nourish or empty our self-confidence.
00:00:13
So what is the color of our language?
00:00:16
How do we speak to ourselves?
00:00:18
How do we address others?
00:00:21
I offer 6 tips for developing the language of trust.
00:00:27
Give yourself permissions.
00:00:28
Reorient your inner dialogue.
00:00:31
Transform the negative messages of the past.
00:00:34
Stop lying to yourself,
00:00:35
and finally develop a powerful language.
00:00:39
My first piece of advice to develop a language of trust is to value yourself.
00:00:45
Dare to compliment yourself and others too without competition.
00:00:49
Comparing yourself to others often leads to devaluation.
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Don't state they are more than me,
00:01:00
I would urge you to avoid comparisons even in your favor.
00:01:08
the comparison leads to the comparison and the wheel turns.
00:01:13
If you claim to be superior,
00:01:16
you will inevitably experience moments when you feel inferior.
00:01:21
the ideal is to value yourself
00:01:23
and the qualities of others equally.
00:01:26
There are many ways to cultivate self-esteem.
00:01:30
Repeating your talents and qualities,
00:01:32
you can make a list of at least 50 qualities that you recognize in yourself.
00:01:38
Then you put yourself in front of the mirror
00:01:40
and you state them,
00:01:42
not with the eye,
00:01:44
but as if a friend were complimenting you by name.
00:01:48
you are really bold.
00:01:50
you are really dynamic.
00:01:53
you are really attentive.
00:01:55
Another tip value yourself by using your best friend's mirror.
00:02:00
Imagining being your best friend,
00:02:03
writing 10 lines portrait of yourself.
00:02:05
Write it with fantasy and with kindness.
00:02:09
Liz is an exceptional woman.
00:02:12
she is the only one to take such risks.
00:02:15
She is creative and
00:02:18
And carefully reread your description
00:02:21
when you feel that your confidence is waning.
00:02:24
The second tip for developing a language of trust
00:02:27
is to give yourself permissions.
00:02:30
Sometimes our lack of self-confidence,
00:02:33
our self-censorship,
00:02:34
is the result of programming,
00:02:37
such as vows we have made or that that our family or ancestors have made for us.
00:02:42
If this is the case for you,
00:02:44
perhaps one of these permissions will be of great relief to you.
00:02:49
I invite you to listen to my words
00:02:51
and see those that resonate with you.
00:02:54
Write them down immediately so that you can remember them.
00:02:59
breathe and listen.
00:03:02
do you need to give yourself?
00:03:05
You have the right to live and exist.
00:03:08
You have the right to be yourself.
00:03:11
You have the right to become an independent adult.
00:03:14
You have the right to succeed.
00:03:16
You have the right to do complete that sentence to get into medical school,
00:03:21
to become an actor,
00:03:23
to drive a motorcycle.
00:03:25
You have the right to be important.
00:03:27
You have the right to be part of a family,
00:03:29
part of a group.
00:03:31
You have the right to be close to others.
00:03:33
You have the right to share your feelings with your loved ones.
00:03:37
You have the right to be healthy.
00:03:39
You have the right to think of yourself first.
00:03:42
You have the right to feel any emotion,
00:03:48
You have the right to behave as a child,
00:03:53
You have the right to make mistakes and even to make them over and over again.
00:03:59
You have the right to express your point of view even if it's different.
00:04:04
You have the right to say no.
00:04:06
Repeat the words that make you feel good.
00:04:09
Give yourself that permission that you probably lacked.
00:04:13
My third tip for developing the language of trust
00:04:17
is to reorient your inner dialogue.
00:04:20
here are some questions to validate the trust quality of your inner dialogue.
00:04:25
I invite you to note your stumbling blocks.
00:04:28
You took the wrong road.
00:04:30
What do you say to yourself?
00:04:32
Someone pays you a compliment and thanks you.
00:04:35
What do you say?
00:04:37
Someone asks you for a service,
00:04:39
you don't really want to answer yes,
00:04:41
but you accept anyway.
00:04:43
What do you say about yourself?
00:04:45
You wake up late because your alarm clock didn't go off.
00:04:49
What do you say about yourself?
00:04:51
You're trying on a new dress or a jacket looking at yourself in the mirror.
00:04:55
What do you tell yourself?
00:04:57
A close friend forgets your birthday.
00:04:59
What do you tell yourself?
00:05:01
Your child or teenager talks back badly to you.
00:05:05
What do you say about yourself?
00:05:07
Is your inner dialogue positive or negative?
00:05:11
At what times do you drift towards the negative and devaluing language?
00:05:18
what inner dialogue do you choose to nurture?
00:05:21
My 4th tip for developing a language of trust
00:05:25
is to transform the negative messages of the past.
00:05:29
Write down all the negative messages you have received,
00:05:32
whether spoken or implied.
00:05:35
Write them in a column on the left,
00:05:43
are you stupid or not?
00:05:45
You don't have your sister's talent.
00:05:48
I should have had an abortion.
00:05:50
What are we gonna do with you?
00:05:53
in the right column turn all the
00:05:55
negative messages received into positive messages.
00:05:59
You are a bright child.
00:06:01
You and your sister have many talents.
00:06:04
How lucky that you were born.
00:06:06
You have everything you need to succeed.
00:06:10
reward yourself with these positive messages
00:06:13
from the adult you are to the child that you were.
00:06:18
You can imagine them sitting in the chair facing you,
00:06:21
and the loving adult you are to the child from the past
00:06:24
can tell them everything they needed to hear at that time.
00:06:27
It is what is called healing words.
00:06:30
They can have a powerful impact on your actual self-confidence.
00:06:34
My 5th tip for developing a language of trust.
00:06:37
Stop lying to yourself.
00:06:41
If you are angry,
00:06:42
don't pretend that everything is fine.
00:06:45
If you are sad or worried,
00:06:47
don't pretend everything is fine.
00:06:49
If there is a problem with your boss,
00:06:52
don't pretend everything is fine.
00:06:55
How can you trust yourself if you lie to yourself,
00:06:58
if you adopt postures and words that do not reflect
00:07:02
what is going on in your body and your head?
00:07:05
To trust yourself is to dare to express what you are experiencing,
00:07:09
even if it shocks or annoys others.
00:07:12
They don't have to listen to you,
00:07:15
you don't have to lie to yourself to make them feel better.
00:07:20
that when people ask the question,
00:07:23
they expect an answer.
00:07:26
If you start to stop lying to them
00:07:30
and therefore to yourself,
00:07:31
it will shake up relationships,
00:07:33
but do this for yourself.
00:07:36
I'm fine automatically.
00:07:39
Honor what you are going through
00:07:46
How are you really doing?
00:07:48
Stop for a second
00:07:50
with the first person who asks you the
00:07:52
question in the morning and listen to yourself.
00:07:55
If you're not 100% fine,
00:07:58
maybe there's something we can do right now to make you feel better.
00:08:03
I'm fine automatically to this question means not caring about yourself.
00:08:10
I'm fine without reflecting about the question is a bit cowardly.
00:08:15
Because it's easier to convince yourself that I am fine rather than to hear,
00:08:20
actually it's not OK.
00:08:22
I don't like my job,
00:08:23
I don't want to get up in the morning.
00:08:26
Let's at least stop lying to ourselves.
00:08:30
How are you doing?
00:08:31
My 6th piece of advice for developing a language
00:08:34
of trust is to make your words more powerful.
00:08:38
all those words that are like barbed wire,
00:08:41
those words that diminish us and close off potential.
00:08:45
I apologize for bothering you and I'm sorry for apologizing.
00:08:48
I'm gonna try a little bit to explain to you,
00:08:50
but this is the first time I've done this,
00:08:51
and I'm sorry if I'm not up to it.
00:08:53
Let's look at the words that slow down
00:08:56
confidence and the motor words to express instead.
00:09:06
I will try to explain.
00:09:13
I would like to say a little word.
00:09:16
I would like to say a word.
00:09:18
You have a very small minute.
00:09:21
you have one minute.
00:09:22
Don't you think?
00:09:27
Don't you think we should call the client?
00:09:30
I suggest we call the client.
00:09:32
I don't know if it's possible.
00:09:36
I don't know if it's possible to have an additional delay.
00:09:39
I want an additional delay.
00:09:42
I have a problem.
00:09:46
It would be necessary to,
00:09:50
it would be necessary to get more information.
00:09:53
I need more information.
00:09:58
I need more budget because,
00:10:01
I need more budget so that the quality of the rendering is guaranteed.
00:10:05
Do you think that?
00:10:12
I would like conditional mode.
00:10:17
I would like to be in charge of this project.
00:10:21
I want to be in charge of this project.
00:10:24
I'm sorry to bother you,
00:10:26
Are you available now?
00:10:28
Learn how to develop clear,
00:10:30
direct language.
00:10:32
It certainly exposes you more,
00:10:34
but it gives both you and the other person a fundamental message.
00:10:40
is confident and assertive,
00:10:43
knows what he or she wants,
00:10:44
and expresses it.
00:10:46
It is the language of trust.
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