3 keys to dare to ask Tutorial

Are you ready to embrace your desires with confidence? In '3 Keys to Dare to Ask', discover the essential steps to assertiveness: be clear about your requests, lift self-censorship, and prepare for any answer. Learn how to transform your wants into actionable requests and break free from the fear of rejection. Don’t let uncertainty hold you back—gain the courage to ask and unlock new opportunities!

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Do you know how to ask in a clear way?

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Ask and you shall receive,

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said the adage.

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One thing is certain.

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If you don't ask,

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you are depriving yourself of the chance to receive.

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Daring to ask is one of the attitudes of assertiveness.

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Here are the three keys being clear about your request,

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lifting self-censorship and being prepared for all scenarios.

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How to dare to make a request.

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Above all,

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be clear about your request,

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very clear.

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Do you know what you want?

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Do you have a list of what you want

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from the small wish to the big dream?

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Children ask spontaneously without filtering.

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Direct requests follow the children's wishes.

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I want a lollipop,

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and I say it.

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No filter like,

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Is the lollipop good for me?

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What will my parents think if I ask them for a lollipop?

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And besides,

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can they afford to give me a lollipop?

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What if I hurt their feelings by asking them for a lollipop?

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No,

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the child asks and asks again for the lollipop unless they have been

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tired of asking in vain or educated not to ask any more.

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Then

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what do you really want

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more autonomy,

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clarity about your professional objectives,

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feedback,

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support,

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training.

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You can ask for anything.

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It's never wrong to ask.

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But before you ask,

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clarify what you want without leaving room for censorship

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and make your list.

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I want to eat chocolate,

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to go to China,

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a professional advancement,

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to have more time with my children.

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Yes,

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we can have both,

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evolution and more family presence.

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Don't limit your wish list by letting the censor tell you that it's not compatible.

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Less noise around me to work on this new file and then turn your desires into demands.

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What do you have to ask to satisfy your wishes?

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And what's a priority for you?

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What do you really,

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really want?

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When you negotiate your new position,

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you can ask for anything

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a good salary,

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flexible hours,

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autonomy,

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not too much travel.

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But what is it that you want most of all and that you won't let go?

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Feel it and visualize the benefit of having your request fulfilled.

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Do.

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You have a completed and prioritized list.

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I invite you to complete it again.

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How?

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Turn all your complaints into requests.

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All the things you complain about,

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write them down as a request.

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If you complain about being poorly paid,

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write,

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ask for a salary increase on your list.

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Yes,

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but are you going to answer me?

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So it's time to move on to key number 2.

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Why don't we dare to ask,

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and how can we lift our self-censorship to,

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well,

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dare to ask,

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why do some children who were originally so spontaneous stop asking one day?

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Sometimes

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this was because it didn't work or not enough to their liking.

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Too often they were answered no.

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And when this same child becomes an adult,

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he says,

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OK,

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there's no point in asking.

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He resigned himself to keeping silent in his childhood.

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He unlearned to ask.

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He is sure that the other person will say no.

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It reminds me of a comic book for children.

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One of the little boys can no longer run

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his electric car because the batteries are dead.

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He thinks for a moment,

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asking his brother for batteries,

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but immediately he imagines that his brother is going to say no to him,

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so he gets up,

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goes to his brother,

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and tells him,

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You can keep your batteries,

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you selfish bastard.

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The child may also stop asking because he has been severely told not to ask.

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He was told that he had to stop,

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that it was unbearable,

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that it wasn't respectful and polite.

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Then as an adult,

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he said,

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Oh no,

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I can't ask for that.

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That will be inappropriate,

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meaning asking is not to be done,

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especially if you don't give anything in exchange.

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To ask is to annoy the other person.

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We learnt from educators,

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tired of our spontaneous requests.

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And it was they who had the problem.

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They didn't like saying and repeating no.

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I recommend our video on how to say no.

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They preferred to push the child to stop asking

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rather than having to calmly repeat their no.

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If you believe that asking is annoying the other person

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and moreover that they might say no to you,

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you won't ask anything.

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Asking is emotionally costly.

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It's not really that people are afraid to ask.

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It's that the knot in the plexus that accompanies their request

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is more uncomfortable than living without the object of their desires.

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I would rather not have a salary increase than

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to go through the emotional ordeal to ask for it

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without even being sure to receive it,

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too uncomfortable.

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I'd rather not ask you for help on this issue than to bother you

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and to be judged by you knowing that you might even say no.

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I have too much to lose

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by daring to ask.

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Our mind listed all the risks of making a request

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and gave its verdict.

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It's not worth it.

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Too expensive in terms of energy,

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emotion,

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too much risk of rejection,

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judgment,

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no return on investment.

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So

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let's put things in perspective so as to not be manipulated by our self censorship.

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One,

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no,

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you're not bothering anyone by asking for something.

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They will feel bothered if they don't know how to answer you simply as an adult.

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Either yes,

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I will answer your request,

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or no,

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I don't want to.

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I can't answer your request.

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It is not up to you to solve their problem of not liking saying no,

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that's their problem.

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Second objection of the mind.

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Yes,

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you may be judged,

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judged by the person in front of you if they kept their child belief.

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It's a lack of respect to ask for this.

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Unless you're worried that they might despise you thinking,

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hey,

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if Claudia asks me for help,

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it means she is really not up to the job.

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Think of all those drivers or pedestrians who don't dare

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to ask for directions

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because it's an act of weakness

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and know that the best students are those who

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dared the most to ask questions at school.

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They were not afraid of judgment.

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Please let people have these judgments.

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It is their belief system.

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I simply invite you not to cultivate the same one.

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Stop judging people who make requests to you and dare to say no to them

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with simplicity when you cannot or do not

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want to respond favorably to their request.

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Let's look at the third objection of the mind.

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Yes,

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the other person might tell you no.

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Be prepared for that.

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But remember that first of all,

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this is not absolutely certain,

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and second,

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it's a wonderful opportunity to ask why?

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Why are you saying no to me?

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I hope your teachers didn't teach you that you shouldn't ask why.

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Why,

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why do you refuse to lend me your car?

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Why don't you want me to attend that meeting?

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Why don't you want me to telework 3 days a week?

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Knowing the other person's reason can help you first

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understand without judging them.

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Second,

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to adjust your next requests according to what is important.

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Third,

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to negotiate,

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taking into account the need they express to you.

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I refuse to entrust you with this file.

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Why?

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Because I don't think you will know how to

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negotiate with a client who is very demanding.

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OK,

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now you know that the challenge is to train you to

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or prove to your boss that you already have this skill.

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Your request,

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followed by the Y while facing your boss's refusal,

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has opened up a field of evolution for you.

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Ask and you shall receive.

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Not necessarily what you had imagined.

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Sometimes better

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clarity,

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feedback.

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Dan Lowe said a no is a yes pending.

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By asking the other person why they refused,

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you will know on what condition the yes could come.

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Do you dare to ask under any circumstances?

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The key is to be ready for anything and everything.

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There is a belief

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that needlessly reinforces your inhibitions to ask.

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Here it is.

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If someone says no,

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it means I shouldn't have asked.

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Totally wrong.

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You wanted to ask,

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you asked,

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and it was perfect.

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You were told no,

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and that was perfect too.

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There is nothing to regret.

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Perhaps the future will tell you the why and the gain of this refusal.

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If you only ask when you are 100% sure that you will be told yes,

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you must have cut yourself off from many of your desires.

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If people always say yes to your requests,

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it is because either you put a gun to the head

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of the other person or that you very rarely make requests.

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Maybe just asking,

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will you pass the salt,

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or that you only ask people who have a big problem,

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those who are incapable of saying no to you.

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In short,

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the more people will say no to you,

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the more it means that you will have reconnected to your desires.

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And had the courage to make requests.

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The more people tell you,

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no,

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the more you are a hero who goes out of their comfort zone to ask.

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Never hesitate to ask.

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You have nothing to lose.

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Whatever happens,

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be nice to yourself.

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You know that it is difficult on an emotional level to ask

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that there is a fear of judgment and the risk of rejection.

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Be prepared.

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Be prepared to face a refusal without showing a victim's face

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to try to make the other person feel guilty.

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For example,

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have an already prepared humorous answer to protect your ego from the stampede.

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Well,

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if you can't lend me your car,

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I'm going to have to rent that limousine.

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The person who said no to you,

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don't judge them.

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They may have had to be brave to do this.

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It's hard sometimes to say no.

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will be grateful for this humorous trait

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or have a second request.

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You cannot lend me your car.

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Can I borrow your bike

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or a B scenario?

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OK,

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I'll take the train.

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Don't get stuck

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depending on the other person's positive response.

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Prepare your answers.

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For example,

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if you dared to ask for a salary increase and were turned down.

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After having understood the reason for the refusal,

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you can say,

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thank you for your feedback.

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I will take it into account,

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and next year I will make another appointment to get that famous raise I deserve.

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Or

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I hear that you can't offer me a raise for a

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single budget issue when you are very satisfied with my work.

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There is another thing I would like to ask you to work remotely 3 days a week.

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Never hesitate to ask.

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You have nothing to lose.

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To go further on the subject,

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we give you an appointment in an upcoming video on how to make your request,

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video entitled

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Ask and Receive.

Mandarine AI: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW