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Do you know how to ask in a clear way?
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Ask and you shall receive,
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One thing is certain.
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If you don't ask,
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you are depriving yourself of the chance to receive.
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Daring to ask is one of the attitudes of assertiveness.
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Here are the three keys being clear about your request,
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lifting self-censorship and being prepared for all scenarios.
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How to dare to make a request.
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be clear about your request,
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Do you know what you want?
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Do you have a list of what you want
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from the small wish to the big dream?
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Children ask spontaneously without filtering.
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Direct requests follow the children's wishes.
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I want a lollipop,
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Is the lollipop good for me?
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What will my parents think if I ask them for a lollipop?
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can they afford to give me a lollipop?
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What if I hurt their feelings by asking them for a lollipop?
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the child asks and asks again for the lollipop unless they have been
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tired of asking in vain or educated not to ask any more.
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what do you really want
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clarity about your professional objectives,
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You can ask for anything.
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It's never wrong to ask.
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But before you ask,
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clarify what you want without leaving room for censorship
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and make your list.
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I want to eat chocolate,
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a professional advancement,
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to have more time with my children.
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we can have both,
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evolution and more family presence.
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Don't limit your wish list by letting the censor tell you that it's not compatible.
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Less noise around me to work on this new file and then turn your desires into demands.
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What do you have to ask to satisfy your wishes?
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And what's a priority for you?
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What do you really,
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When you negotiate your new position,
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you can ask for anything
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not too much travel.
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But what is it that you want most of all and that you won't let go?
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Feel it and visualize the benefit of having your request fulfilled.
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You have a completed and prioritized list.
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I invite you to complete it again.
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Turn all your complaints into requests.
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All the things you complain about,
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write them down as a request.
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If you complain about being poorly paid,
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ask for a salary increase on your list.
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but are you going to answer me?
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So it's time to move on to key number 2.
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Why don't we dare to ask,
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and how can we lift our self-censorship to,
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why do some children who were originally so spontaneous stop asking one day?
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this was because it didn't work or not enough to their liking.
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Too often they were answered no.
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And when this same child becomes an adult,
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there's no point in asking.
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He resigned himself to keeping silent in his childhood.
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He unlearned to ask.
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He is sure that the other person will say no.
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It reminds me of a comic book for children.
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One of the little boys can no longer run
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his electric car because the batteries are dead.
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He thinks for a moment,
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asking his brother for batteries,
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but immediately he imagines that his brother is going to say no to him,
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goes to his brother,
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You can keep your batteries,
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you selfish bastard.
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The child may also stop asking because he has been severely told not to ask.
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He was told that he had to stop,
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that it was unbearable,
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that it wasn't respectful and polite.
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Then as an adult,
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I can't ask for that.
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That will be inappropriate,
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meaning asking is not to be done,
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especially if you don't give anything in exchange.
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To ask is to annoy the other person.
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We learnt from educators,
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tired of our spontaneous requests.
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And it was they who had the problem.
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They didn't like saying and repeating no.
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I recommend our video on how to say no.
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They preferred to push the child to stop asking
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rather than having to calmly repeat their no.
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If you believe that asking is annoying the other person
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and moreover that they might say no to you,
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you won't ask anything.
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Asking is emotionally costly.
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It's not really that people are afraid to ask.
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It's that the knot in the plexus that accompanies their request
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is more uncomfortable than living without the object of their desires.
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I would rather not have a salary increase than
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to go through the emotional ordeal to ask for it
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without even being sure to receive it,
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too uncomfortable.
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I'd rather not ask you for help on this issue than to bother you
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and to be judged by you knowing that you might even say no.
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I have too much to lose
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by daring to ask.
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Our mind listed all the risks of making a request
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and gave its verdict.
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It's not worth it.
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Too expensive in terms of energy,
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too much risk of rejection,
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no return on investment.
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let's put things in perspective so as to not be manipulated by our self censorship.
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you're not bothering anyone by asking for something.
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They will feel bothered if they don't know how to answer you simply as an adult.
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I will answer your request,
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I don't want to.
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I can't answer your request.
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It is not up to you to solve their problem of not liking saying no,
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that's their problem.
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Second objection of the mind.
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you may be judged,
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judged by the person in front of you if they kept their child belief.
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It's a lack of respect to ask for this.
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Unless you're worried that they might despise you thinking,
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if Claudia asks me for help,
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it means she is really not up to the job.
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Think of all those drivers or pedestrians who don't dare
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to ask for directions
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because it's an act of weakness
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and know that the best students are those who
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dared the most to ask questions at school.
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They were not afraid of judgment.
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Please let people have these judgments.
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It is their belief system.
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I simply invite you not to cultivate the same one.
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Stop judging people who make requests to you and dare to say no to them
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with simplicity when you cannot or do not
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want to respond favorably to their request.
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Let's look at the third objection of the mind.
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the other person might tell you no.
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Be prepared for that.
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But remember that first of all,
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this is not absolutely certain,
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it's a wonderful opportunity to ask why?
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Why are you saying no to me?
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I hope your teachers didn't teach you that you shouldn't ask why.
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why do you refuse to lend me your car?
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Why don't you want me to attend that meeting?
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Why don't you want me to telework 3 days a week?
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Knowing the other person's reason can help you first
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understand without judging them.
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to adjust your next requests according to what is important.
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taking into account the need they express to you.
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I refuse to entrust you with this file.
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Because I don't think you will know how to
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negotiate with a client who is very demanding.
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now you know that the challenge is to train you to
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or prove to your boss that you already have this skill.
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followed by the Y while facing your boss's refusal,
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has opened up a field of evolution for you.
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Ask and you shall receive.
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Not necessarily what you had imagined.
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Sometimes better
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Dan Lowe said a no is a yes pending.
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By asking the other person why they refused,
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you will know on what condition the yes could come.
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Do you dare to ask under any circumstances?
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The key is to be ready for anything and everything.
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There is a belief
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that needlessly reinforces your inhibitions to ask.
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If someone says no,
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it means I shouldn't have asked.
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You wanted to ask,
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and it was perfect.
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You were told no,
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and that was perfect too.
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There is nothing to regret.
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Perhaps the future will tell you the why and the gain of this refusal.
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If you only ask when you are 100% sure that you will be told yes,
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you must have cut yourself off from many of your desires.
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If people always say yes to your requests,
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it is because either you put a gun to the head
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of the other person or that you very rarely make requests.
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Maybe just asking,
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will you pass the salt,
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or that you only ask people who have a big problem,
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those who are incapable of saying no to you.
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the more people will say no to you,
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the more it means that you will have reconnected to your desires.
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And had the courage to make requests.
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The more people tell you,
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the more you are a hero who goes out of their comfort zone to ask.
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Never hesitate to ask.
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You have nothing to lose.
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Whatever happens,
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be nice to yourself.
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You know that it is difficult on an emotional level to ask
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that there is a fear of judgment and the risk of rejection.
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Be prepared to face a refusal without showing a victim's face
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to try to make the other person feel guilty.
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have an already prepared humorous answer to protect your ego from the stampede.
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if you can't lend me your car,
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I'm going to have to rent that limousine.
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The person who said no to you,
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don't judge them.
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They may have had to be brave to do this.
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It's hard sometimes to say no.
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will be grateful for this humorous trait
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or have a second request.
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You cannot lend me your car.
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Can I borrow your bike
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or a B scenario?
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I'll take the train.
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depending on the other person's positive response.
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Prepare your answers.
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if you dared to ask for a salary increase and were turned down.
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After having understood the reason for the refusal,
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thank you for your feedback.
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I will take it into account,
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and next year I will make another appointment to get that famous raise I deserve.
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I hear that you can't offer me a raise for a
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single budget issue when you are very satisfied with my work.
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There is another thing I would like to ask you to work remotely 3 days a week.
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Never hesitate to ask.
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You have nothing to lose.
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To go further on the subject,
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we give you an appointment in an upcoming video on how to make your request,
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Ask and Receive.
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