00:00:07
cooperation at work and manage disputes and conflicts?
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We will see the 3 hindrances to avoid and the 4 good habits to maintain.
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The three hindrances to constructive attitude are criticism,
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and justification.
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Criticism is our natural tendency to oppose the other person's point of view
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when it is different from ours.
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One of the first words a child says,
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As adults we often keep this automatism of opposition.
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As soon as someone else states a different opinion than what we believe in,
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we try to dismantle it and prove that they are wrong and that we are right.
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It is an unconscious territory game.
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That slows down collaboration,
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and fuels conflict.
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By being critical and seeing only the negative
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in the other person's arguments and actions,
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we generate conflict or silence.
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communication is at risk.
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Coming out of criticism means above.
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All welcoming the opinions of others with curiosity and openness,
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then giving your opinion in a positive and constructive way.
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Coming out of criticism is always bringing other solutions,
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options or alternatives when a suggestion does not suit you.
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This is called constructive criticism
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in the positive sense of the word.
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If a criticism is not followed by a suggestion.
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It is a very limited value.
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It is the ego manifesting itself.
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It's better to leave room for creativity
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than for the ego.
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I also very often hear coachches sigh demotivated,
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saying that their boss is vocal when things are going badly,
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yet never expresses satisfaction,
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never gives positive feedback.
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I understand their discouragement and invite them
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to simply ask their boss for feedback,
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I ask them about the criticism they have just made about their boss.
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do you find it useful to give positive feedback to your colleagues,
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or even your superiors?
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positive feedback is not only for managers.
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there are two solutions to get out of criticism.
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valuing what is done,
00:02:29
providing constructive alternatives.
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Now let's look at the second hindrance to constructive attitude,
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Confirmation is our natural tendency to only retain what
00:02:43
we agree with from what the other person says.
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It is so reassuring to surround ourselves with like-minded people.
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which simply means he's right because he thinks like me.
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We say Cathy is smart,
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which means Cathy is smart because she has the same ideas as me.
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We need to feel reassured by people who think like us,
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so we barricade ourselves from what's new from what bothers us.
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a manager who comes up with an idea for the solution to a problem.
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I have the solution.
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We have to change the process,
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he asks his employees for their opinion and tends
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to only retain the value those who think like him
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and suggest changing the process.
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Unfortunately we often feel attacked by those who oppose our point of view,
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especially if they are aggressive about it.
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We take the attack personally and shut down
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their arguments that may be of great value.
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most of the time we prefer the company of those who think like us.
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In this quest for confirmation of what we believe,
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we risk missing excellent ideas swept aside with a yes,
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or it's not possible because.
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The two solutions to get out of the trap of confirmation
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to open up to the other person with sincere curiosity for their difference.
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to enrich yourself with their perceptions and ideas.
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The third hindrance to constructive attitude is justification.
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What is justification?
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It is our natural tendency to defend ourselves in anticipation of possible attack.
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We are so afraid of being judged
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that we prefer to polish our image just in case
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we tell ourselves if the other person knows I have an excuse,
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they will be less angry with me,
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but you understand it's because.
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You may find yourself faced with a colleague
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who spends more time justifying why they didn't
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achieve their goals than suggesting alternatives to make
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up for this delay that's affecting you.
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Imagine for a moment you come late to a meeting and start telling everyone that
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there was traffic jams and that the meeting room was hard to find and that,
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The saying goes,
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he who excuses himself blames himself.
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There is a difference between justifying and explaining.
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When I justify myself,
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I am centered on myself and my image.
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When I give explanations,
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I am centered on the other person and their needs.
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Do others need to know why I'm late?
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Explanations will be better heard and more useful if I
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wait for the other person to ask me the question.
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If they ask me what happened,
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why are you late,
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or why didn't you achieve your goals,
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it means they are open to hearing my explanations.
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The two solutions to get out of the justification.
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Wait for the question.
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Let the other person be curious and ready to listen to you,
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Own your actions and mistakes without trying to improve your image.
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We have seen the three hindrances to constructive attitude criticism,
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and justification.
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Let us now tackle the four levers of constructive attitude,
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transforming the if into the how,
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getting out of the past orientation towards the future,
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suggesting rather than criticizing in order to be
00:06:16
the magician that makes possible what seemed impossible.
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The first lever consists in transforming the if into the how are we going to.
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Instead of saying it would be easier if we had more time,
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if we had more resources,
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you are expected to say how are we going to do
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the best we can within the deadline with the available resources.
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The second lever,
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as we have already discussed,
00:06:45
is to transform criticism into a force for suggestion.
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Instead of saying to your employee or boss,
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I don't understand anything you're telling me,
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be able to express,
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I need you to clarify this or that point.
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Instead of saying we didn't succeed because
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or it will never work because be capable of saying this is what I suggest,
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this is how we could do it,
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this is what we're going to attempt.
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The third lever is to change directions from the past to the future.
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Instead of focusing on the past,
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help your colleagues and clients focus on the future.
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Analyzing the past
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helps us to capitalize by reproducing what has
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already worked and changing what didn't work.
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The analysis of the past has only added value in building the future.
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Getting stuck and dwelling on the past
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is a waste of time and energy.
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A positive employee must help their colleagues come out of
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it was better before or it didn't work before,
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so it won't work again,
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so they can focus on tomorrow.
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a constructive employee is able to turn the impossible into the possible.
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Do you know the 3000 m steeplechase?
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It's a jumping course.
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Behind one of the obstacles is a water pit.
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That at best can slow down the runner and at worst make them stumble.
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Do you know what is best to do?
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They lean on the obstacle to go further.
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Your obstacle is a lack of resources,
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a difficult colleague,
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a dissatisfied client.
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obstacles are opportunities for you to grow in your job
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by not giving up when faced with them,
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but rather leaning on it on the obstacle in order to go further.
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They didn't know it was impossible,
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said Mark Twain.
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