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We have all been hurt by failure at one time or another.
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I wanted to win this match.
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I wanted to have this job.
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I didn't want a divorce.
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We didn't achieve our goals,
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and it's terribly frustrating,
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Failures pave our way.
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What do we do with them?
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Do our failures make us want to go further,
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to try differently,
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or do they censor our desires and dreams because we
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now fear that we will not be up to them?
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In this video we will see how to change our outlook on our past,
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how to play down the fear of failure and make any failure an opportunity to grow.
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How can you change your outlook on your past?
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Loving yourself with your past is the first step
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in reconciling with what we call our mistakes,
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How do I look at my past?
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Are there things that I regret having done or having said?
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Do I think I was tough on my parents?
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Do I think I was not a good father?
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Do I blame myself for not having done the right studies?
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Do I see it as a failure to have had no career progression for five years?
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Do I regret not having started my business?
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Do I see it as a failure to have gone bankrupt?
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The more we look at our past with bitterness and intransigence,
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not forgiving ourselves for our failures,
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the more we will be in fear of experiencing new failures.
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When I was young,
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I organized a party with some friends.
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I got into it a bit late to send out the invitations.
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Only a few were available and could come,
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It took me years to dare to organize a new party.
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I have a friend who first skied at 40.
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She found herself so bad on the first few tries that she said,
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I have met former managers who had failed in managing difficult employees
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to the point where it all ended up in the industrial tribunal,
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a failure too hard to digest.
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They refused to be a manager again,
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making peace with our past,
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healing the trauma of failures.
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The future is only possibly positive
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if we have healed our past if we stop judging ourselves harshly.
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I was not perfect.
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I had hiccups and pain.
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there are a lot of things that I will do differently today,
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even though I have been unemployed for 3 years,
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I choose to love and accept myself as I am.
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I stopped judging myself,
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putting myself down for it.
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Having lived through an ordeal like 3 years of unemployment and having survived,
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you should rather be proud of yourself
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than blame yourself.
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Living long-term unemployment,
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what a difficult experience in a world where our identity,
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our social status,
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and our financial security need
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force most to have a job.
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Loving yourself with your past is looking at it with compassion,
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ceasing to point out failures and to look for the ones to blame.
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Loving yourself with your past also means changing the direction of your gaze.
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If you look to the past,
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can you focus on all the beautiful moments of the past that you have lived?
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On all your successes,
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on all your talents,
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store and update past successes in your recent memory to gain confidence.
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How to play down the fear of failure.
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Here is an excerpt from the theory of the stool by Joel Berger.
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An original solution in 7 steps to play down the fear of failure.
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When your attention is overly held by fear of a situation you dread,
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consider the worst.
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Make a disaster movie,
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your boss gets seriously mad because of the poor quality of your work on a file,
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or the recruiter kicks you out,
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You are terrible.
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You wasted my time.
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How dare you apply for this job?
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the business you started collapses and you have huge debts.
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If envisioning the disaster scenario scares you so much,
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Take the time to find your anchors.
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Remember that no man died.
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Imagine this disaster scenario happened to a very good friend and not to you,
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a friend who always knows how to bounce back.
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Take the time to look at the consequences that this terrible situation would bring.
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clearly define what you would do in this dramatic situation,
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or what you would advise your friend to do.
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list what could lead you to this disaster situation.
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Define what could make this happen.
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Why would your business collapse?
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Why would your boss fire you?
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Define a plan of action to prevent these reasons,
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the causes of your tragedy from happening.
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Set up a precise action plan,
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taking into account everything you understand about the situation
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and its possible causes.
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define the possible slip up points of this very precise plan.
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Define what you will do or what your friend can do if these slippages occur.
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you are ready to take risks.
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You are ready to face failure without making a big
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deal out of it and without cutting your wings.
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So now it's your turn to play.
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What actions are you reluctant to take for fear of failure?
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Are you afraid to assert yourself in front of your client,
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screen your fear of failure through the seven steps?
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How can we turn our failures into gifts?
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How do we learn from our failures?
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We should change the word failure.
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It is so steeped in negative emotion,
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What happened to bring about such a fear of failure?
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The child fell hundreds of times before he was able to walk.
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No one said the word failure as he fell.
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No one told him to stop trying and trying again.
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Each failure has brought him relentlessly closer to
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his ultimate goal of walking without falling.
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What made this young child turn into an adult who cannot handle any failure,
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who is afraid of failure?
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Classroom grading,
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the judgment of adults?
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Many of my coachches believe that their value
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is based on the success of their actions.
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when they go through failure,
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when they haven't achieved the goal they set for themselves,
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goals sometimes beyond their control,
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they fall apart.
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I'm worth nothing.
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Because you lost your tennis match,
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because your boss reframed you,
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because the client broke his contract,
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we can choose to look at our failures as ratings of our worth.
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you can do better,
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or we can choose to view them as learning experience.
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Replace the word failure with learning stage
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and see how these steps have led us,
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if we have not given up along the way,
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to great victories.
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Edison made 10,000 attempts
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before creating the light bulb.
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Walt Disney was fired for lack of creativity.
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Abraham Lincoln was defeated 8 times in
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an election and experienced 2 financial bankruptcies.
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The corporate world itself is trying to shake off this crippling fear of failure.
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Bablaka's motto Fail,
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One of Perno Ricard's slogans We recognize risk
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taking and the right to make mistakes.
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Whenever you experience failure,
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ask yourself the three questions.
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What did I learn?
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What would I do in a similar way,
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and especially what would I do otherwise?
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failure was painful,
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but that's no reason to lose your vision,
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Luckily you didn't say at 14 months,
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too much of a failure.
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I fell too much.
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I will keep on walking on all fours.
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I decided that standing was not a position for me.
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Of course your mind will want to convince you to give
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up your risky plans not to start over after failure.
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Your friends will certainly too.
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They fear to see you in pain again.
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Don't let fear and the fearful decide for you.
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Hold on to your vision.
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You have failed.
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What did you understand?
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What did you learn from it?
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Where did you want to go now?
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The mind believes that if it went wrong once,
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it will go wrong a second time.
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It believes the walls are still in the same place.
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If we don't capitalize on failure,
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if we don't learn of failure,
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chances are we'll repeat the same mistakes over and over again,
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which will lead us into the same ruts.
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Of course there are people who have set up their
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business multiple times and failed over and over again.
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Should they stop believing that they can start a business?
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they should learn from their failure so as not to reproduce
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again the inappropriate certainties and actions that led them to failure.
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Either I am successful or I learn.
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Don't judge me by my successes.
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Judge me by how many times I've fallen
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and got up again.
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