Demystifying self-confidence Tutorial

Struggling with self-confidence? In "Demystifying Self-Confidence," we unravel the myths that fuel this common struggle. Challenge the narrative of inadequacy and discover how to transform perceived weaknesses into opportunities for growth. It's time to master assertiveness and courage—watch now to learn how to embrace your true potential and shine!

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I lack confidence in myself.

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I don't think any of my coaches have ever told me

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that they have confidence in themselves.

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We always find at least one area to state that we don't have confidence.

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It would seem that lack of self-confidence is inevitable,

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something normal,

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common to all human beings as if we were born with it.

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Why do so many people say they lack self-confidence?

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Is it because the concept of self-confidence has been idealized

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in such a way as to make it unreachable?

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Is it because we like to say that we lack self-confidence?

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Let's look at all of this in this video.

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What is self-confidence?

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It's the trust in your ability to do something.

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It's always relative to an action,

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not having self-confidence in your ability to succeed in a project,

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to start a business,

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to convince a customer.

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When we say

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I don't have self-confidence,

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period.

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We generalize the lack of confidence to a whole person.

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We lie to others,

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but most of all we lie to ourselves.

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We define ourselves by our lack of confidence,

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stating,

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I don't trust myself.

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It's like cutting off our wings,

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bam.

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The first thing,

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therefore,

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let's stop lying to ourselves.

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Let's stop the generalization.

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You don't trust yourself about what?

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What ability are you talking about?

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Your ability to drive a car?

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No.

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Not confident in your ability to do a good job.

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No,

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no.

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So what exactly do you think you lack confidence in?

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As we dig deeper,

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we'll discover that it's not really that we lack confidence.

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It's simply that we haven't yet

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developed an ability.

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It's not I don't have confidence in my ability to speak in front of a large audience.

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It's I haven't yet developed the mastery of

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public speaking in front of a large audience.

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Replace all that I lack self-confidence with,

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I would like to develop more skills in.

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The problem of self-confidence does not exist.

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It's just badly chosen words to express that

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we are not 100% competent in everything.

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Here is another trap into which the followers of the lack of self-confidence fall,

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waiting for signals that will tell us that's it.

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I have confidence in me.

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For example,

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when I am sure of myself,

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then I will dare to say

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I have confidence in myself.

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We would like to have certainties,

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the certainty that it's the right project,

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the right job,

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the right partner,

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the right time,

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but we'll never have it.

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We can say

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I feel good about this project,

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but we can never say I'm 100% certain I'm going to make it.

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It's a myth

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to believe that people who are confident are sure of themselves.

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People sure of themselves are unconscious people.

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Real confidence is being able to say.

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I'm sure it's going to be a rich experience

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whether it works or not.

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Whatever happens,

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I'll know how to bounce.

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I will know that I have confidence in myself when

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here's another misconception of self-confidence.

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I will have confidence in myself

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when I say only intelligent things,

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when I succeed in a challenge,

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when I dare to talk to strangers,

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when I say no to my colleague.

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The problem with these listings is that those who create them

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always have a new challenge to give themselves,

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always higher.

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OK,

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I got the job I wanted,

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but I'll be really confident when,

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here we go again.

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When I've been promoted to the manager,

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when I've lost 20 pounds,

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and until they have achieved these goals,

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they will continue to say

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I lack confidence in myself,

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and the mouse will continue to run in his wheel.

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So stop with that I'll have confidence in me when,

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right?

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Another misconception about self-confidence is to wait

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until you are no longer afraid.

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I'm scared.

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Oh boy,

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that's because I lack confidence in myself.

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Not only are you scared,

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but you also add an insolvent problem.

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I lack confidence in myself.

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Then you will say I couldn't make this trip alone because I lack self-confidence.

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That's not true.

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No,

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you decided not to make this trip alone because it scared you,

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and it's normal.

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It's normal to be afraid.

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The famous actress Sarah Bernhardt once asked a young actress,

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Are you afraid,

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my little one?

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No,

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answered the young woman.

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Don't worry,

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it will come with talent,

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replied Sarah Bernhardt.

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The famous Belgian singer Jacques Brell vomited out of fear before going on stage,

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concert after concert.

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He never said,

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You know,

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I lack confidence in myself.

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Going to sing on stage is not for me.

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A DJ confided to David Laroche,

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his metaphor of fear.

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Fear is a shadow that constantly follows us.

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Are you afraid when you walk to see your shadow following you everywhere?

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No.

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Fear is like a shadow that walks with us.

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Why did we learn that it was a problem to

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have a shadow of fear following us all the time?

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It's just a shadow.

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You're not going to turn around every minute and every time you see your shadow say,

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Oh my God,

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it's still there.

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Have fun with it.

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Ah,

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yes,

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you're still there,

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are you,

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my shadow of fear?

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It's true there's a lot of sun today.

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One day

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it will be so much part of the scenery that you'll forget it.

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It will have disappeared from your field of

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vision and from your field of experience.

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Your fear does not prevent action.

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Its presence is certainly not a reason to say I lack self-confidence.

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Is lack of self-confidence our accomplice?

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By dint of shaking the notion of self-confidence

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and saying that it is only an abstract idea

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created from scratch by the mind,

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we wonder.

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The noose titans,

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the investigation goes deeper.

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The problem of confidence looks more and more like a

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big manipulation of our mind to keep us at home.

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Our mind is so smart.

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it has found the perfect justification.

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I can't do it.

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I lack confidence in myself.

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When someone tells us,

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I lack self-confidence,

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we feel a kind of empathy,

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a kind of sadness.

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Ah,

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you lack self-confidence.

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I understand it must be difficult,

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right?

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Yeah,

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it's not easy,

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and I've had it since childhood.

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It's because my parents didn't support me enough,

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and there was this teacher at school who

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I was one of those victims of low self-esteem.

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Poor me.

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Now

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when a coachy tells me that they lack self-confidence,

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I ask them.

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What don't you do because you think you lack self-confidence?

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Traveling,

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expressing your disagreement in meetings?

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I also invite you to make that list.

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What don't you do because you think you lack self-confidence.

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I also ask the question,

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what does your lack of self-confidence make you do?

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Say yes to all requests,

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apologize whenever you are afraid to disturb people.

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Having answered these two questions,

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the coachee can concretely decide what to do

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or not to do any more,

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step by step

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with patience and kindness.

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And if I see the person reluctant to take action,

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then I shake the tree with confrontation and benevolence.

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What advantage do you find in lacking self-confidence?

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How does it serve you?

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Because if a situation persists in our lives,

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it is because it continues to serve us.

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It's because some part of us,

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often unconscious,

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continues to create it until we say stop enough,

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and you may not believe me,

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but there are many advantages to saying that we lack self-confidence.

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First of all,

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it attracts many nice,

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empathetic,

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and generous people around us.

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They support us.

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They value us.

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They understand us.

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They sometimes even do things for us.

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Then it keeps us from doing risky things.

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Things that might change our routine life

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or bring us failure.

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Using the excuse of self-confidence is also a good

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reason not to take your place in the world,

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not to shine.

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Sometimes we are afraid of taking up too much space,

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of overshadowing others,

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of hurting others.

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Yes,

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it's better to stay small and in one's place than take such risks.

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Mandela gave a wonderful speech on this subject,

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and here's an excerpt.

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Our deepest fear is not that we are not up to the task.

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Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all limits.

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It is our light,

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not our darkness that frightens us most.

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We ask ourselves,

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who am I to be bright,

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radiant,

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talented,

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and wonderful?

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In fact,

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who are you not to be?

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Restricting yourself,

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living small does not serve the world.

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Enlightenment is not about shrinking yourself because

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you are afraid to make others insecure.

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We are all destined to shine as children do,

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and as we allow our own light to shine,

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we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

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Thanks to Mandela,

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that's beautiful.

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Why do we continue to keep ourselves small by pretending not to be up to scratch,

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by pretending to lack confidence in us?

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Have fun pointing out the absurd reasons you give yourselves not to trust yourself,

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to limit certain actions and censor certain behaviors.

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What interest do I have in not daring to speak in a meeting?

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Avoider making a fool of myself.

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Avoid being criticized.

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Avoid being entrusted with other projects.

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Avoid overshadowing others.

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What interest do you have in supposedly lacking self-confidence?

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Your fishing will bring back some beautiful fish,

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some beautiful limiting beliefs,

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and when your fishing has been successful,

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don't feel guilty.

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Look very sympathetically at your past choice to lack confidence.

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It was so.

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Now that you see clearly you are free,

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you can continue to behave like a victim of self-confidence or

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choose to let your light shine as Mandela would say.

Mandarine AI: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW