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I lack confidence in myself.
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I don't think any of my coaches have ever told me
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that they have confidence in themselves.
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We always find at least one area to state that we don't have confidence.
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It would seem that lack of self-confidence is inevitable,
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something normal,
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common to all human beings as if we were born with it.
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Why do so many people say they lack self-confidence?
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Is it because the concept of self-confidence has been idealized
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in such a way as to make it unreachable?
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Is it because we like to say that we lack self-confidence?
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Let's look at all of this in this video.
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What is self-confidence?
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It's the trust in your ability to do something.
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It's always relative to an action,
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not having self-confidence in your ability to succeed in a project,
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to start a business,
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to convince a customer.
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I don't have self-confidence,
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We generalize the lack of confidence to a whole person.
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We lie to others,
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but most of all we lie to ourselves.
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We define ourselves by our lack of confidence,
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I don't trust myself.
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It's like cutting off our wings,
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The first thing,
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let's stop lying to ourselves.
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Let's stop the generalization.
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You don't trust yourself about what?
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What ability are you talking about?
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Your ability to drive a car?
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Not confident in your ability to do a good job.
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So what exactly do you think you lack confidence in?
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As we dig deeper,
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we'll discover that it's not really that we lack confidence.
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It's simply that we haven't yet
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developed an ability.
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It's not I don't have confidence in my ability to speak in front of a large audience.
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It's I haven't yet developed the mastery of
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public speaking in front of a large audience.
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Replace all that I lack self-confidence with,
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I would like to develop more skills in.
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The problem of self-confidence does not exist.
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It's just badly chosen words to express that
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we are not 100% competent in everything.
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Here is another trap into which the followers of the lack of self-confidence fall,
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waiting for signals that will tell us that's it.
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I have confidence in me.
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when I am sure of myself,
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then I will dare to say
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I have confidence in myself.
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We would like to have certainties,
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the certainty that it's the right project,
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the right partner,
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but we'll never have it.
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I feel good about this project,
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but we can never say I'm 100% certain I'm going to make it.
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to believe that people who are confident are sure of themselves.
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People sure of themselves are unconscious people.
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Real confidence is being able to say.
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I'm sure it's going to be a rich experience
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whether it works or not.
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Whatever happens,
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I'll know how to bounce.
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I will know that I have confidence in myself when
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here's another misconception of self-confidence.
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I will have confidence in myself
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when I say only intelligent things,
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when I succeed in a challenge,
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when I dare to talk to strangers,
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when I say no to my colleague.
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The problem with these listings is that those who create them
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always have a new challenge to give themselves,
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I got the job I wanted,
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but I'll be really confident when,
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here we go again.
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When I've been promoted to the manager,
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when I've lost 20 pounds,
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and until they have achieved these goals,
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they will continue to say
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I lack confidence in myself,
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and the mouse will continue to run in his wheel.
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So stop with that I'll have confidence in me when,
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Another misconception about self-confidence is to wait
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until you are no longer afraid.
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that's because I lack confidence in myself.
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Not only are you scared,
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but you also add an insolvent problem.
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I lack confidence in myself.
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Then you will say I couldn't make this trip alone because I lack self-confidence.
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That's not true.
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you decided not to make this trip alone because it scared you,
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and it's normal.
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It's normal to be afraid.
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The famous actress Sarah Bernhardt once asked a young actress,
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answered the young woman.
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it will come with talent,
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replied Sarah Bernhardt.
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The famous Belgian singer Jacques Brell vomited out of fear before going on stage,
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concert after concert.
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I lack confidence in myself.
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Going to sing on stage is not for me.
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A DJ confided to David Laroche,
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his metaphor of fear.
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Fear is a shadow that constantly follows us.
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Are you afraid when you walk to see your shadow following you everywhere?
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Fear is like a shadow that walks with us.
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Why did we learn that it was a problem to
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have a shadow of fear following us all the time?
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It's just a shadow.
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You're not going to turn around every minute and every time you see your shadow say,
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it's still there.
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Have fun with it.
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you're still there,
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my shadow of fear?
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It's true there's a lot of sun today.
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it will be so much part of the scenery that you'll forget it.
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It will have disappeared from your field of
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vision and from your field of experience.
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Your fear does not prevent action.
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Its presence is certainly not a reason to say I lack self-confidence.
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Is lack of self-confidence our accomplice?
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By dint of shaking the notion of self-confidence
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and saying that it is only an abstract idea
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created from scratch by the mind,
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The noose titans,
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the investigation goes deeper.
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The problem of confidence looks more and more like a
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big manipulation of our mind to keep us at home.
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Our mind is so smart.
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it has found the perfect justification.
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I lack confidence in myself.
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When someone tells us,
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I lack self-confidence,
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we feel a kind of empathy,
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a kind of sadness.
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you lack self-confidence.
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I understand it must be difficult,
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and I've had it since childhood.
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It's because my parents didn't support me enough,
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and there was this teacher at school who
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I was one of those victims of low self-esteem.
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when a coachy tells me that they lack self-confidence,
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What don't you do because you think you lack self-confidence?
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expressing your disagreement in meetings?
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I also invite you to make that list.
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What don't you do because you think you lack self-confidence.
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I also ask the question,
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what does your lack of self-confidence make you do?
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Say yes to all requests,
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apologize whenever you are afraid to disturb people.
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Having answered these two questions,
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the coachee can concretely decide what to do
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or not to do any more,
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with patience and kindness.
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And if I see the person reluctant to take action,
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then I shake the tree with confrontation and benevolence.
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What advantage do you find in lacking self-confidence?
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How does it serve you?
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Because if a situation persists in our lives,
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it is because it continues to serve us.
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It's because some part of us,
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often unconscious,
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continues to create it until we say stop enough,
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and you may not believe me,
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but there are many advantages to saying that we lack self-confidence.
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it attracts many nice,
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and generous people around us.
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They support us.
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They understand us.
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They sometimes even do things for us.
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Then it keeps us from doing risky things.
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Things that might change our routine life
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or bring us failure.
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Using the excuse of self-confidence is also a good
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reason not to take your place in the world,
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Sometimes we are afraid of taking up too much space,
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of overshadowing others,
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of hurting others.
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it's better to stay small and in one's place than take such risks.
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Mandela gave a wonderful speech on this subject,
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and here's an excerpt.
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Our deepest fear is not that we are not up to the task.
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Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all limits.
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It is our light,
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not our darkness that frightens us most.
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We ask ourselves,
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who am I to be bright,
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who are you not to be?
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Restricting yourself,
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living small does not serve the world.
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Enlightenment is not about shrinking yourself because
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you are afraid to make others insecure.
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We are all destined to shine as children do,
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and as we allow our own light to shine,
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we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.
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Thanks to Mandela,
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that's beautiful.
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Why do we continue to keep ourselves small by pretending not to be up to scratch,
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by pretending to lack confidence in us?
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Have fun pointing out the absurd reasons you give yourselves not to trust yourself,
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to limit certain actions and censor certain behaviors.
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What interest do I have in not daring to speak in a meeting?
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Avoider making a fool of myself.
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Avoid being criticized.
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Avoid being entrusted with other projects.
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Avoid overshadowing others.
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What interest do you have in supposedly lacking self-confidence?
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Your fishing will bring back some beautiful fish,
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some beautiful limiting beliefs,
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and when your fishing has been successful,
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don't feel guilty.
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Look very sympathetically at your past choice to lack confidence.
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Now that you see clearly you are free,
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you can continue to behave like a victim of self-confidence or
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choose to let your light shine as Mandela would say.
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