Domination games: how do we take and give power Tutorial

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whether we are the dominated,

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the dominant,

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or both.

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We play

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psychological games that we are seldom aware of

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and which wear us out.

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We often subconsciously agree to play those

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power games because they arouse emotions and

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behaviors in us and in others that seem to be in our best interests.

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So let's analyze how fear,

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pride,

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envy,

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compassion,

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and finally admiration can influence us to the

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point of making us dance under the domination

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of another person.

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Arousing fear is arguably one of the most powerful levers of domination.

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Humans accept a lot in order to feel safe.

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They accept the laws,

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the rules.

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Sometimes they take a task they hate in order to keep their job.

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They accept tough working hours.

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They accept humiliation.

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How many times have I coached people to express themselves to their superiors,

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to set limits,

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and when to say no

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when they thought it was impossible.

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They thought it was impossible

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because they feared the consequences.

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If I say what I think,

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I'm done.

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If I refuse this project,

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I will be fired.

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Fear of retaliation.

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Fear of rejection,

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fear of losing privileges.

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We accept a lot out of fear.

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Dominated by our fears,

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we allow ourselves to be dominated by the environment

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until our endurance point is reached

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and the breakup happens.

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So

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either we flee or we seek to turn back the domination.

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Many seek to dominate

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simply for fear of being dominated.

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Believing in La Fontaine's adage,

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the reason of the strongest is always the best,

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they attempt to be stronger by taking power over the other person.

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They want to be the boss at all costs.

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Their leadership.

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Therefore not at the right level and their team cannot grow.

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They will prefer to stay on their boss's pedestal and keep their employees below,

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and it will work

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until the employees leave

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or are no longer afraid.

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The second strategy of taking power is generating pride.

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Indeed,

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another feeling prompts us to enter into power games,

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pride.

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Some people are very good at dominating others,

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using the lever of pride through the use of language.

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Hitler sparked the momentum of the German people by

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hyper valuing the superiority of the Aryan race.

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Millions of French people marched in the jubilation of pride

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because their national team won the football World Cup.

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Pride makes us do many things,

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and those who know how to awaken it skilfully

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can influence many who are thirsty for recognition.

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Manipulation through flattery is a powerful game.

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The flatterer sometimes feels very sincere

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in the valuation he gives the other person,

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but is it so selfless and genuine?

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One of my coaches prided herself

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on congratulating her entourage very spontaneously.

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Some were annoyed.

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My coach he realized

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that she was always hoping for a return.

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Either the colleague appreciates her company so positive.

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Or they value her in return or they work more for her.

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She realized that

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she especially valued people whom she sought to be appreciated or helped from,

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not holding her self-esteem highly,

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she had implemented a game of domination without being aware

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of it and was herself the prisoner of it.

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Do you allow yourself to be led by those

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who shower you with gratitude and flatter your pride,

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or are you one of those people who arouse the pride of others and make them act for you?

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Third strategy of taking power arousing envy.

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By arousing envy,

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desire in the other person,

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you can sometimes lead them to decisions and actions

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to which they would not have imagined submitting.

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Rather than the fear of the stick,

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it is the bait of the carrot that is the tool of power.

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Is it bad in itself?

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No.

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However,

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it is in fact a game of domination in which two parties dance on purpose.

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You can get caught up

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in dancing for money.

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How hard is it to quit a high paying job,

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even if you can't find yourself in it?

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Money rules us.

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The desire for power

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is itself a gateway to this dance.

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For some it is the desire to be admired,

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the urge to climb to the top of the pyramid,

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the desire to have in your hands the object of lust,

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whether it is an object,

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a company car,

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a title,

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or a human being.

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When do our desires become the engines of our life?

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At what point do our desires become tyrannical masters?

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At what point

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do we allow ourselves to be seduced

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by a few speakers who make us dream of obtaining the object of our desires,

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the pill that will make us thin,

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the meditation that will make us zen,

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the behavior that will make us lovable.

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Some know how to use the desires of others to lead them like donkeys.

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They sometimes make promises,

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and those promises seduce us so much

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that in one.

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Second,

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we have entered the dance.

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They make us dream and they captivate our

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hearts to the point that we surrender our freedom

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and our critical thinking by putting ourselves at their service,

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thinking that as a reward our dreams and desires will be fulfilled.

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And then one day we wake up

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and we criticize the one to whom we had

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handed over the responsibility of fulfilling our desires.

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Fourth strategy for taking power

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stimulating compassion.

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Some people do not see how they dominate and manipulate others because they

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use a more subtle way to make others do what they want.

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Creating compassion in others is one of these very effective ways.

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Being weak,

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victim,

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sad,

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playing the nice little girl or the sweet little boy.

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These people will attract potential mums and dads in their subconscious nets.

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You say,

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Ah,

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I'm terrible.

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I will never make it.

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And here is a rider who comes to cheer you up,

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to promote you and even take care of your project.

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Your savior has entered your game.

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Some humanitarian media outlets play on this emotional fiber of compassion

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with photos of stunted children urging you to send a donation.

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Again,

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it's not a bad thing,

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but still it is good to be aware of the thread that leads us

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remaining free of your choices and not moved by an emotion that becomes our master.

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An elementary school teacher once told me

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that this game of domination by compassion

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was very common among little girls in the classroom.

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When one of them started to cry,

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everyone was coming round her with handkerchiefs and words of appreciation.

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One day

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tired of this game that little girls weren't aware of,

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he introduced a new rule.

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A little girl was crying,

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and before the flock of consolers formed,

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he explained to everyone

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that the little girl had the right to cry if she was in pain

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and that she should be allowed to live her grief

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rather than seek to calm and dry her tears.

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He realized

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that fewer and fewer little girls began to cry.

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And that the tears without the presence

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of the comforter team subsided incredibly quickly.

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This is an example of a power play over others seeking to arouse compassion.

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We humans who complain so often,

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waiting for an audience to agree with us,

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play it a lot

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by waving the banner of the victim of an

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organization we are seen and heard in our complaints.

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Ultimately,

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no one will be interested in us any more if we accept

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the solutions proposed in the negotiation or if the conflict is resolved.

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If we succeed in capturing others through their compassion

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and or by being a victim in the center of attention,

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do we have an interest in finding solutions and getting out of the conflict?

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I'm not sure.

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The 5th strategy for taking power is generating admiration.

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From childhood,

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our quest for appreciation

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also involves games in which we try to gain the admiration of others,

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to each their own tactics according to their culture,

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their education,

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their personality.

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Arousing admiration by their physical strength,

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by their beauty,

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by their results,

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by their network of friends,

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by their convertible car,

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their intelligence,

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by their academical sports achievements,

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arousing the admiration by their insubordination or their ability to harm,

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there are those

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who become addicted to competition.

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Those who have cosmetic surgery,

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those who work 24 hours a day,

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and those who take the wrong path

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to exist,

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they come into constant competition with those around them

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in one or many areas and are only satisfied if they are the best there.

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Indeed,

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comparison to others leads often to power gains,

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not just accepting who they are,

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those who want to be admired

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need to be who they think they should be.

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They thus enter into an endless quest

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to be always more like this or like that,

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always to have more of this.

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Or that

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until a traumatic failure or burnout or conflict stops them in their run to the top.

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They thought

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they could dominate and they let themselves

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be dominated by their need for admiration.

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Sometimes in their quest

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they trained a herd of admirers who unsure of their own worth,

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imagined enjoying.

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The radiance of the person they admired,

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it is the dance of the sun king and its court,

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feeding on each other and exhausting themselves together in codependence.

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One day or another,

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the monarch falls from his pedestal

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because his superiority is not acceptable.

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The court must learn to live its own life

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without.

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Protecting itself in the shadow of the one that it admired

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and who in return protected it,

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to come out of inadequate admiration for someone

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is to cut the umbilical cord with mum and dad.

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To come out of the need to be admired is to stop being a little

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boy or a little girl who shimmers in the eyes of mum and dad.

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Indeed,

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becoming an adult

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naturally ejects us from the dance of admiration.

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It is to be yourself without needing to be more or better

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and without believing yourself to be inferior or superior.

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We get into domination games because we are driven by fear,

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pride,

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envy,

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compassion,

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admiration.

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The relational imbalances that are the basis of these games generate conflict

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in the shadow.

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Of all the games of domination we indulge in,

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whether we are the one leading the dance or the partner following it,

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there is a need to feed on the other person and let ourselves be fed by the other person

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for lack of self-esteem.

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No outside person can replace unconditional love of self

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and its two precious fruits,

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self-confidence and freedom.

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We don't need power over others,

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we just need self esteem and self confidence.

Mandarine AI: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW