Establishing a relationship of equals Tutorial

Discover the power of healthy assertiveness in "Establishing a Relationship of Equals". This insightful video discusses four key relational dynamics and emphasizes the importance of mutual respect for effective communication. Learn how to shift from conflict to collaboration and appreciate your intrinsic value, fostering win-win outcomes in all interactions. Join us now!

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a conflict if we assert ourselves healthily?

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The answer is no.

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Asserting yourself in a healthy way that is in a respectful relationship

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as an equal with the other person is a win-win communication.

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But how can we establish this relationship as equals?

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Is it so natural?

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We actually have 4 possible relationships in our relation to the other.

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First position.

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I think that I am not OK and that the other is OK,

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minus +.

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Second position,

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the opposite.

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I think I'm OK and the other is not,

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plus minus.

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Third position,

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I think I'm not OK and the other is not OK.

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m.

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4th position,

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I think I'm OK and the other is OK,

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plus plus,

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the positive that enables win-win communication.

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But what does it mean to be OK?

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Being OK,

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being plus is giving yourself value

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with one's shadows and lights,

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being autonomous,

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responsible for one's life.

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To be OK is to consider yourself a good person.

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Being not OK,

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being minus,

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is feeling like a loser,

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not good enough for what is happening,

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for what is expected of me.

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It's feeling like a victim and not valuing yourself.

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According to Eric Barne,

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who developed the concept,

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our chosen life positions go back to our childhood.

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Is there a box where you find yourself more often?

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If you feel I'm not OK and the other person is OK,

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or in a minus plus position,

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then you put yourself in a position of inferiority,

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submission,

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and even flight.

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You denigrate yourself,

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you feel like a victim,

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you wait for others to do and decide for you,

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because they know better than you do,

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because they are more valuable.

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You're making yourself dependent.

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By positioning yourself in a minus plus,

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you're feeding the conflict.

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You'll end up irritating by your false modesty.

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You're not going to take full responsibility for your life.

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By belittling yourself,

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you will end up being belittled by others and letting yourself be dominated.

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People in a minus plus trigger criticism often by devaluing themselves and

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sometimes find themselves offended about being treated badly or like children.

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Do you sometimes feel inferior to others putting them on a pedestal above you

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until the day conflict sets in because one or the other

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gets tired of the game and or wants more power?

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Working on valuing your talents and achievements will help you

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move from a minus + to a plus plus.

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Yes,

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you have value and unique talents.

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No,

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no one is superior to you,

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only different.

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You can take the other person down from their pedestal.

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They are no higher than you.

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Stop idolizing them.

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Yes,

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everyone has insecurities and fears.

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Everyone has experienced failure.

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No,

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you don't have to put your decisions in other people's hands,

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nor do you have to unload yourself of the actions you are afraid to take on.

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Regardless of the age,

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hierarchical level,

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beauty or IQ of the person in front of you,

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regardless of how they look at you,

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you can change your outlook in order to establish a plus plus relationship.

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If you feel that I'm OK and the other is not OK,

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this is a plus minus.

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You put yourself in a position of superiority.

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In this position,

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the plus minus person is arrogant or even aggressive.

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They tend to criticize the other person to believe that

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it is up to the other person to change,

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to reject the other person.

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In communication,

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a plus minus person does not question

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themselves very often and proves to be dominating

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and even accusing.

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They know better than the other person.

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They do better than the other person.

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Their interest is more important than the other person's me,

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I.

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The other person must therefore submit to them,

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and the plus minus fuels conflict

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by

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repeating that they are not to blame,

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that it is the other one who is mostly,

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if not always at fault.

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The plus minus person looks down on the other person.

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I am stronger,

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more efficient,

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more intelligent than you.

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I'm a good person and not you.

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Note that the plus minus position is often

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a false antidote for the minus plus position.

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I need to belittle the other one,

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sometimes in front of others,

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to feel worthwhile.

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I need to detail their flaws,

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their mistakes,

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and even generalize them to enhance my image.

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But when you get into a plus minus,

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it is impossible to build a win-win communication.

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As the perception is initially biased,

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the conflict will ignite accordingly.

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Even and especially in conflict,

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there is neither a superior nor an inferior person.

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Everyone has value.

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So how do you go from a plus minus to a plus plus?

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Working on self-esteem,

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true self-esteem will help people who are stuck in a plus minus

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to no longer need to belittle the other person to feel OK.

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They will have to learn to acknowledge

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their defects and responsibility with simplicity.

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This is not self-deprecating,

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it's just being an adult.

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It is indeed possible to love yourself with all your failures,

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weaknesses,

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and insecurities without having to point out those of others,

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without having to put yourself on a pedestal.

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Third life position,

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if you think I'm not OK,

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the other's not OK,

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minus minus,

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then you put yourself in the position of resignation.

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These people mm think for example that the crisis has no solution,

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that the company is going straight towards its demise,

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and that the conflict is unsolvable because no one has the skills to solve it.

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There's nothing to be done according to them.

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That's the way it is.

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These people mm passively run away from

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their responsibilities or even sabotage communication.

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By having a defeatist vision of themselves and their environment,

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they feed the conflict by refusing to work on it.

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They have nothing constructive to suggest because they do

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not even believe in their capacity to improve things.

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Stuck in a lose-lose communication,

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only the presence of a mediator can bring solution to the conflict.

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Let's face it,

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sometimes we have hopeless minus minus days

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with no energy.

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A radical change of perception is necessary to recover at

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least a minimum of faith in yourself and in others,

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and to get out of the crisis.

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Unless you're a rival to the minus minus position is a sign

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that you need to get out of a depressing environment right away,

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or at least seek help from a professional.

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Only the position of I'm OK and the other is OK is a cooperative win-win position.

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It is the right perception to cultivate in order to build healthy communication.

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If you and your partner can keep the plus plus perception

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even within conflicts,

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you will easily find a solution to any disagreement.

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I would even say that a disagreement cannot turn into a conflict

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when both parties remain in a plus plus vision without devaluing,

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judging

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neither themselves nor the other.

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They will find a win-win solution in negotiation.

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It should be noted that win-win sometimes involves developing work,

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autonomy and separating each party's interests,

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like two partners who choose at some point to end

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a partnership that is no longer compatible with their values.

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What about the other one,

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you might ask?

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You've managed to get into the OK OK box,

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but you're faced with a person who

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is stubbornly defending their attitude of escape,

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superiority,

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or resignation.

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What can you do?

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A person who has confidence in themselves does not need to be

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aggressive or to resign or to be submissive or to run away.

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Only the plus plus OK OK box is stable.

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In the OK OK plus plus,

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the person asserts themselves with the right amount of self-esteem

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and eem for the other person in a positive and constructive attitude.

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So first you should know that if the person facing

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you remains in one of the 3 non-constructive boxes,

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they actually lack self-esteem,

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even if they don't want to admit it to themselves.

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Have compassion for this person who runs away

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or bites trying to have value and power.

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Next,

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know that you can keep the plus plus position even when facing that person.

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It's harder,

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yes,

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but it's possible.

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You may have already experienced this

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position with your child when they're throwing

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a tantrum in the state of desperation or even anger directed at you.

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No matter what your child said or did,

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you continue to value them without being stepped on or manipulated.

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You remain in plus plus.

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Do the same for a trapped adult.

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Be firm and calm and propose a solution that seems like a win-win situation.

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If the other person doesn't hear you,

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call in a mediator.

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Conclusion,

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regardless of the other person's perception and attitude,

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remains steady in the certainty that each person is

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autonomous and responsible for what happens to them,

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that each of you is valuable.

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Cultivating a plus plus perception will grant you the best chances

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of win-win communication and will get you out of many conflicts.

Mandarine AI: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW