Setting boundaries and saying no Tutorial

Struggling to say no? Discover the art of setting boundaries and embracing assertiveness in "Setting Boundaries and Saying No." This essential guide explores why we often hesitate to refuse requests and provides practical strategies to communicate effectively. Learn to honor your priorities and assert your needs with confidence. Don't let fear dictate your decisions—empower yourself and transform how you interact with others.

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We do not know how to put limits on our territory.

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We don't know how to say no like adults because we lack the self-confidence

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or we say no too late or aggressively and conflict erupts.

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In this video we will first see why we don't dare to say no,

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then how to say no to a request,

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and finally,

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how to say no to an attitude that doesn't suit us.

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In order to set our boundaries,

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we must first be clear about our priorities,

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our professional priorities,

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and our personal priorities.

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Are your mission and professional goals clear?

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Do you need to redefine them with your manager?

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Do your colleagues know what your role is?

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Do they know what is and what is not part of your job?

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Do they know that you have to leave at 6 p.m. to pick up your child from daycare?

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Clarifying your priorities and missions will

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help you avoid fighting or justifying yourself

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when you have to say no to certain requests.

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I help my coaches say no to requests from colleagues,

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clients,

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or hierarchical superiors to say no in a respectful way,

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and of course to accept when others also say no to them.

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Here are the 5 main false reasons why we can't say no.

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1,

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fear of disappointing others.

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2,

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fear of opposing the boss or client request.

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It's like there is a ban that governs you.

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3,

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the fear of being pushed aside.

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4,

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the fatalism of I have no choice.

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And 5,

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passive resistance.

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We don't dare to say no,

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but we then sabotage the mission to show our disagreement.

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What reasons speak to you the most?

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Can you get past your self-sabotage to say no?

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Can you work on your fears to say no with a coach if necessary?

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When you say yes for these five bad reasons,

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chances are you're on a slippery slope.

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This unjustified effort you impose on yourself out of fear will win over you,

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and at the slightest annoyance,

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the slightest obstacle or judgment,

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you risk slipping into conflict or even burnout.

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If you hear yourself internally saying no

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and yet you end up saying yes,

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then it is time to set your boundaries and be clear.

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Let your yes be yes,

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Let your no be no.

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Satisfied and embraced yeses and noes,

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it will help others as well.

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Now let's look at some tips to say no.

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When something is requested from you,

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restrain your yes for a moment.

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First,

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rephrase the other person's request in a factual and neutral manner.

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What you're asking me to do is to replace you at tomorrow's meeting on the X file,

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a file I don't know about.

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What you're asking for is the same quality service for a lower rate.

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Sending back a neutral mirroring on the request

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may help your interlocutor change their request,

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clarify it,

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or realize that it is inappropriate.

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Then

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ask questions,

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seek to understand the other person's request in detail,

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to discern its degree of urgency and importance.

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Check if the request also meets your priorities.

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Finally,

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answer.

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Say yes or no to the request.

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Keep in mind that it's not always necessary to give reasons for your refusal.

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An unexplained no has the advantage of

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being totally embraced and shows assertiveness.

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Sometimes

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the other person will need an explanation.

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Let them ask you why you refused.

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Here are several ways to say no to a request.

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One,

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to say,

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I'm torn.

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This will make it easier to pass the refusal.

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When you ask me to,

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I feel torn.

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On the one hand,

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I want to help you,

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please you,

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contribute to the smooth running of the service,

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and at the same time,

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it's important for me to honor my commitments on

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or finish a particular file on a priority basis.

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The phrase and at the same time makes it easier to say no.

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Say and at the same time,

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which is inclusive,

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not but at the same time which is exclusive.

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For example,

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say I'd like to help you and at the same time I have to

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or I prefer to finish my B2B file.

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2.

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Here's a second way

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to allow yourself to say no.

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I need time to think,

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decide.

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I need an hour to see what's possible,

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or I'll get back to you next Monday.

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I'll see in the meantime if I can do that,

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depending on the time needed and available,

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depending on the constraints of my schedule,

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depending on my priorities.

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After you've taken the time,

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you can go back to your claimant and say,

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I've thought it over.

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For example,

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I've been thinking about your request and I'd rather focus on

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3.

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A third way to tell your claimant yes later.

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For example,

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I could return this report by Friday and not tomorrow morning.

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You decide the deadline so that you don't have to work under stress.

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You set your own time conditions for.

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1/4 way is to respond to your claimant.

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Yes,

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if,

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for example,

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yes,

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I can handle this file if I have these resources,

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if you help me to,

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if this part is done by

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you set your conditions here as well.

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5.

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Last way to say an understandable no.

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Coming up with a solution.

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I propose,

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for example,

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I can't go to this meeting.

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I suggest you ask Hugo to replace me,

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or I suggest I attend the meeting for the first half hour,

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or I suggest to attend it partly via video conference,

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or I suggest you ask Suzanne to report back to us.

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So we have seen 5 ways to say no to request.

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Let's now see

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how to set our boundaries in communication.

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In short,

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how to say no to an attitude that doesn't suit us.

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To say no in this case is to clearly state our desires.

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No,

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I don't accept that you yell at me.

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I suggest we meet again to talk when the tone has calmed down.

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No,

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I can't keep talking if you keep accusing me.

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I'm here to find solutions,

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not to be judged guilty.

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No,

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I refuse to resolve the conflict in an arm wrestling match.

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I suggest that we use a mediator to move forward.

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Setting boundaries therefore leads to a clear affirmation of your needs.

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I'm not comfortable with you checking my files every day.

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I need more autonomy.

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I need to leave work at 5:30 p.m. to pick my child from daycare.

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I need room for more decision making,

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freedom when facing the client.

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I need the meetings to start and end at the time we agreed upon.

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Setting boundaries is deciding as an adult what my territory is and asserting

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it calmly without backing down and without assuming the other person's answer.

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I am clear,

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and this clarity,

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even if it doesn't please everyone at first sight,

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avoids bogged down communication.

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Conflict often begins within oneself.

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Something doesn't suit us,

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but we prevent ourselves from expressing our dissatisfaction,

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our no.

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It is the aspect of us that lacks confidence,

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the side of us that is afraid that eventually takes the lead and decides to say yes

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at our expense.

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Setting boundaries is choosing to trust the inner voice,

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saying no and following it.

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More than self-confidence,

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this requires a lot of self-love.

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I love myself enough to dare to say no to

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something that doesn't suit me regardless of the consequences.

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I trust myself enough to know that even if my no

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results in a what would be the worst case scenario,

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a layoff?

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Yes,

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I trust myself enough to know that I will bounce back

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regardless of the consequences of my statement of my no.

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If you know how to set boundaries,

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that is asserting your needs and saying no when necessary.

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It is because you have learnt to manage your internal conflicts and listen

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to your inner voice.

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You will become capable of communicating with clarity and respect with everyone.

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