00:00:08
We do not know how to put limits on our territory.
00:00:12
We don't know how to say no like adults because we lack the self-confidence
00:00:17
or we say no too late or aggressively and conflict erupts.
00:00:22
In this video we will first see why we don't dare to say no,
00:00:26
then how to say no to a request,
00:00:29
how to say no to an attitude that doesn't suit us.
00:00:33
In order to set our boundaries,
00:00:35
we must first be clear about our priorities,
00:00:39
our professional priorities,
00:00:40
and our personal priorities.
00:00:43
Are your mission and professional goals clear?
00:00:46
Do you need to redefine them with your manager?
00:00:49
Do your colleagues know what your role is?
00:00:53
Do they know what is and what is not part of your job?
00:00:57
Do they know that you have to leave at 6 p.m. to pick up your child from daycare?
00:01:02
Clarifying your priorities and missions will
00:01:05
help you avoid fighting or justifying yourself
00:01:09
when you have to say no to certain requests.
00:01:12
I help my coaches say no to requests from colleagues,
00:01:16
or hierarchical superiors to say no in a respectful way,
00:01:21
and of course to accept when others also say no to them.
00:01:26
Here are the 5 main false reasons why we can't say no.
00:01:32
fear of disappointing others.
00:01:35
fear of opposing the boss or client request.
00:01:39
It's like there is a ban that governs you.
00:01:43
the fear of being pushed aside.
00:01:46
the fatalism of I have no choice.
00:01:51
passive resistance.
00:01:52
We don't dare to say no,
00:01:54
but we then sabotage the mission to show our disagreement.
00:01:58
What reasons speak to you the most?
00:02:01
Can you get past your self-sabotage to say no?
00:02:04
Can you work on your fears to say no with a coach if necessary?
00:02:09
When you say yes for these five bad reasons,
00:02:13
chances are you're on a slippery slope.
00:02:16
This unjustified effort you impose on yourself out of fear will win over you,
00:02:21
and at the slightest annoyance,
00:02:24
the slightest obstacle or judgment,
00:02:26
you risk slipping into conflict or even burnout.
00:02:30
If you hear yourself internally saying no
00:02:34
and yet you end up saying yes,
00:02:37
then it is time to set your boundaries and be clear.
00:02:41
Let your yes be yes,
00:02:43
Let your no be no.
00:02:45
Satisfied and embraced yeses and noes,
00:02:49
it will help others as well.
00:02:51
Now let's look at some tips to say no.
00:02:54
When something is requested from you,
00:02:56
restrain your yes for a moment.
00:03:00
rephrase the other person's request in a factual and neutral manner.
00:03:05
What you're asking me to do is to replace you at tomorrow's meeting on the X file,
00:03:10
a file I don't know about.
00:03:12
What you're asking for is the same quality service for a lower rate.
00:03:16
Sending back a neutral mirroring on the request
00:03:20
may help your interlocutor change their request,
00:03:24
or realize that it is inappropriate.
00:03:29
seek to understand the other person's request in detail,
00:03:33
to discern its degree of urgency and importance.
00:03:38
Check if the request also meets your priorities.
00:03:45
Say yes or no to the request.
00:03:49
Keep in mind that it's not always necessary to give reasons for your refusal.
00:03:54
An unexplained no has the advantage of
00:03:56
being totally embraced and shows assertiveness.
00:04:01
the other person will need an explanation.
00:04:04
Let them ask you why you refused.
00:04:07
Here are several ways to say no to a request.
00:04:14
This will make it easier to pass the refusal.
00:04:17
When you ask me to,
00:04:20
On the one hand,
00:04:21
I want to help you,
00:04:23
contribute to the smooth running of the service,
00:04:26
and at the same time,
00:04:27
it's important for me to honor my commitments on
00:04:30
or finish a particular file on a priority basis.
00:04:34
The phrase and at the same time makes it easier to say no.
00:04:39
Say and at the same time,
00:04:42
which is inclusive,
00:04:43
not but at the same time which is exclusive.
00:04:49
say I'd like to help you and at the same time I have to
00:04:53
or I prefer to finish my B2B file.
00:04:59
Here's a second way
00:05:01
to allow yourself to say no.
00:05:03
I need time to think,
00:05:06
I need an hour to see what's possible,
00:05:09
or I'll get back to you next Monday.
00:05:11
I'll see in the meantime if I can do that,
00:05:14
depending on the time needed and available,
00:05:17
depending on the constraints of my schedule,
00:05:19
depending on my priorities.
00:05:22
After you've taken the time,
00:05:23
you can go back to your claimant and say,
00:05:26
I've thought it over.
00:05:29
I've been thinking about your request and I'd rather focus on
00:05:35
A third way to tell your claimant yes later.
00:05:41
I could return this report by Friday and not tomorrow morning.
00:05:45
You decide the deadline so that you don't have to work under stress.
00:05:49
You set your own time conditions for.
00:05:54
1/4 way is to respond to your claimant.
00:06:00
I can handle this file if I have these resources,
00:06:04
if you help me to,
00:06:05
if this part is done by
00:06:07
you set your conditions here as well.
00:06:12
Last way to say an understandable no.
00:06:15
Coming up with a solution.
00:06:20
I can't go to this meeting.
00:06:22
I suggest you ask Hugo to replace me,
00:06:25
or I suggest I attend the meeting for the first half hour,
00:06:28
or I suggest to attend it partly via video conference,
00:06:33
or I suggest you ask Suzanne to report back to us.
00:06:37
So we have seen 5 ways to say no to request.
00:06:42
how to set our boundaries in communication.
00:06:46
how to say no to an attitude that doesn't suit us.
00:06:50
To say no in this case is to clearly state our desires.
00:06:55
I don't accept that you yell at me.
00:06:57
I suggest we meet again to talk when the tone has calmed down.
00:07:02
I can't keep talking if you keep accusing me.
00:07:05
I'm here to find solutions,
00:07:06
not to be judged guilty.
00:07:10
I refuse to resolve the conflict in an arm wrestling match.
00:07:14
I suggest that we use a mediator to move forward.
00:07:18
Setting boundaries therefore leads to a clear affirmation of your needs.
00:07:23
I'm not comfortable with you checking my files every day.
00:07:26
I need more autonomy.
00:07:29
I need to leave work at 5:30 p.m. to pick my child from daycare.
00:07:33
I need room for more decision making,
00:07:36
freedom when facing the client.
00:07:39
I need the meetings to start and end at the time we agreed upon.
00:07:44
Setting boundaries is deciding as an adult what my territory is and asserting
00:07:50
it calmly without backing down and without assuming the other person's answer.
00:07:57
and this clarity,
00:07:58
even if it doesn't please everyone at first sight,
00:08:01
avoids bogged down communication.
00:08:04
Conflict often begins within oneself.
00:08:08
Something doesn't suit us,
00:08:09
but we prevent ourselves from expressing our dissatisfaction,
00:08:15
It is the aspect of us that lacks confidence,
00:08:18
the side of us that is afraid that eventually takes the lead and decides to say yes
00:08:26
Setting boundaries is choosing to trust the inner voice,
00:08:30
saying no and following it.
00:08:33
More than self-confidence,
00:08:34
this requires a lot of self-love.
00:08:37
I love myself enough to dare to say no to
00:08:41
something that doesn't suit me regardless of the consequences.
00:08:45
I trust myself enough to know that even if my no
00:08:49
results in a what would be the worst case scenario,
00:08:53
I trust myself enough to know that I will bounce back
00:08:57
regardless of the consequences of my statement of my no.
00:09:01
If you know how to set boundaries,
00:09:04
that is asserting your needs and saying no when necessary.
00:09:09
It is because you have learnt to manage your internal conflicts and listen
00:09:14
to your inner voice.
00:09:16
You will become capable of communicating with clarity and respect with everyone.
No elements match your search in this video....
Do another search or
back to content !
