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I will describe these 5 stages and give you some advice on
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how to get out of the conflict at each of these stages.
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it's never too late.
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the disagreement.
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Disagreement can be about the perception,
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the method used,
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the way to cooperate.
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We are not yet in conflict if Charles and Rebecca are able to maintain communication
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while respecting differences of opinion on all these points.
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Here are 3 points that will help Charles and Rebecca avoid conflict.
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remembering the final vision of the company towards
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which everyone is working its very purpose.
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Charles and Rebecca can put aside their disagreement for a
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moment to step back and refocus on the company's mission.
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Our company's mission is to
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ease the customer experience.
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Does refocusing on this mission help to put our
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disagreement into perspective or even to find solutions?
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Another strategy that will help to avoid going
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from disagreement to conflict at this stage,
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refocusing on the values promoted by the company.
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If the company's values are availability,
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and transparency,
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conflict management will not be the same as if the values were
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you can use the company values as a beacon in the event of a disagreement.
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Generally speaking,
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refocusing on everything that is shared
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will help you take a positive step back.
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I also advise you at this first stage to encourage a factual
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and dispassionate expression of everyone's divergent
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and convergent opinions on the subject
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and to make sure that no power dynamics are settling.
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by listening to each other,
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find common ground or a negotiated compromise.
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Be open to external advice,
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non-judgmental advice from colleagues,
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can dispassionate,
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the disagreement and greatly help in avoiding conflict.
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Let us now look at stage 2 of the conflict interpretation.
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Interpretation is unfortunately often automatic and unconscious and requires
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a real dialogue to avoid being led by it.
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In our interpretation reflex,
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if Pamela says this,
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If Stephen criticizes my way of doing things,
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it is because he thinks he is superior.
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If Rebecca doesn't say hello,
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it's because she doesn't respect me.
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If Javier was talking to the boss,
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it's to get the job.
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If Claire hasn't offered to help me on this case,
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despite my difficulties,
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it's because she doesn't want to help me.
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Infinite interpretations in his book The Four Agreements,
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Don Miguel Ruiz advises us,
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Don't make any assumptions.
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To avoid making interpretations,
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gather the courage to ask questions.
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To avoid the other person interpreting what you say,
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have the courage to express your true desires.
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We assume the other person's intentions,
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we believe that we can read their thoughts,
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and we're often far from the truth.
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And if our interpretation is negative,
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then emotions will be on the brink of emerging.
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To avoid getting caught up in our interpretations,
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I invite you to go back to the facts,
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to stay in the facts,
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to put clarity where interpretation brings fog.
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Do not hesitate to ask the other person
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without judgment about their attitude and intention.
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Why did you say that?
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What is your intention when you do this?
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Do not admit to express your own wishes clearly.
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I want you to help me on this issue.
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this is what will prevent slipping into interpretation at this second stage.
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Moving on to stage 3 of conflict,
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Most of the time we make disagreement with each other a personal matter.
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It is hard to bear that the other person disagrees
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with us and that their opinion takes precedence over mine.
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Our assumptions,
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our interpretations raise internal tensions and even generate some emotions
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that are only based on the wrong interpretations.
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We begin to feel hurt,
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victimized by the other person.
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Power games are usually created at this moment.
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The person who feels the most dominated for hierarchical,
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cultural reasons or because their personality is more introverted,
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will feel the most tension,
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feelings of injustice.
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Sometimes the other party,
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not very attentive,
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will not even feel the discomfort,
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especially if this discomfort accumulates without being expressed.
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dialogue is still possible,
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usually in the presence of a third party.
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In addition to encouraging the expression of disagreement,
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you will also have to allow the expression of
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needs and of what hurt one or both parties
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so that the tension can be deflated and a respectful relationship can be restored.
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After this third stage where the tension appears,
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let's move on to the next step.
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Blocking can take the form of a non-communication or a breakdown.
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The non-communication,
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we don't talk to each other any more,
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adds to the incomprehension
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Negative feelings continue to swell,
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feeding on any interpretation and judgment of the other.
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The problem is no longer the situation,
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the initial disagreement.
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The problem is now the other person.
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To whom we refuse to talk and we devalue internally
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or with colleagues making the situation worse for everyone,
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the blocking can also take the form of a breakdown in the confrontation,
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sometimes following a period of silence.
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One ends up saying words or acting in such a way that the escalation takes place.
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We hurt each other.
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We focus exclusively on the other's wrongs by wanting to impose our vision,
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and obtain reparation for the wrongs we feel we have suffered.
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it is often impossible to talk without expressing all the
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tension of judgment and stigmatization of the other person accumulated
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in the previous stages.
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The effects are overly sensitive if people are interdependent in their work,
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if they have to work together on files,
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a third party will most often be necessary
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to go out of the conflict.
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one of the two parties,
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has the emotional intelligence to enter into an emphatic listening of the other
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despite their apparent hostility,
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let the other person let off some steam first,
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reformulate their opinions and welcome their
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wounds without justifying or defending yourself.
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The goal at this stage will be to restore communication
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by sympathetically addressing emotional wounds and avoiding aggressive words,
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and other attacks.
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It will sometimes be necessary to allow each person to individually first purge
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their wounds and anger with a competent and listening third party manager,
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HR or coaching professional.
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known as blocking,
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let's move on to step 5,
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The ideal resolution is when a solution is found,
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a solution that's agreed upon by the parties
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and which allows for a positive relationship in the short and
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The real resolution is finding a solution and embracing it,
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even if it is a compromise that is not ideal for everyone.
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Even if they don't get exactly what they want,
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employees say that they prefer a solution
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to the uncertainty of an unresolved conflict.
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the tension can be gradually reduced over time if everyone implements
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the decision and communicates constructively again without hurting each other.
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resolution may involve separating the people in conflict.
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Some will choose to leave or change jobs so that they no longer need to cooperate.
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Time and distance will reduce the tension.
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We have therefore seen the five stages of conflict
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and how to intervene at each stage at the moment of disagreement,
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