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Why do we go from disagreement?
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disagreement is normal and can be constructive,
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while conflict is not.
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Disagreement arises from a divergence of interests,
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We do not think like the other person,
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and then from a simple disagreement we can slip
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into conflict when two additional criteria come together.
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the parties are interdependent,
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the negative emotions are revealed.
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The conflict equation is simple disagreement plus
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interdependence plus negative emotions equals conflict.
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Let's explore this equation on the 3
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major professional issues that generate disagreements divergence.
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3 disagreements on
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where we are heading,
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and how to cooperate.
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Where are we heading?
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If you want to go right and your neighbour wants to go left.
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And you are forced to work with your colleague on the same file,
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there is a risk of conflict,
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as long as you do not define a shared direction,
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a common target,
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as long as your perception of where to go and where
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you want to go will be different from your colleagues.
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Interdependence requires regular reminders of the final target.
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If the company has a clear vision
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and a purpose that is clearly expressed
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and shared by employees,
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moving forward together will be easier.
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If the team has a clear and shared quarterly mission.
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There's fewer reasons for conflict because of two
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people disagreeing on the direction to follow.
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Defining common objectives and if possible,
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prioritising them is therefore essential.
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Where are we going?
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Can we find a common direction
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which will allow us to bring services and individuals together
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towards a converging goal?
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Not a rigid objective like
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we want to be number one,
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but rather an evolutionary
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purpose for the company
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as Frederick Lalou would say in his book
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Reinventing organisation.
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Here is an example.
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The home care nursing company Borzorg,
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around 1000 employees,
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which has experienced phenomenal growth,
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holds the evolutionary purpose
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to help patients live
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and meaningful lives.
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All the objectives of the 1000 employees are based on this final vision.
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Any disagreement brings them back to this evolutionary purpose.
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help patients live healthy,
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and meaningful lives?
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The disagreement over where we are going
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can also take the form of conflicts of interest.
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Two colleagues want to get the same job
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or take their leave at the same time,
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conflict of interest.
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The salesperson is looking to sell at a good
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price while the quality department seeks ISO validation.
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The HR department wants to recruit
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while the financier is monitoring the budget.
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Sometimes it collides in a tug of war.
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Here are some conflicts of interest that at first glance seem hopeless,
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with a common vision,
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with listening negotiation,
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it is always possible to find agreements.
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The second question that generates disagreements is
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to reach your target.
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Sometimes we agree about where we are going,
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but the disagreement is on how do we get there.
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Everyone has their own idea of how to reach the goal.
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You are certain,
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unlike your colleague,
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that the process must be followed to the letter to meet the customer's request.
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Are you certain,
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unlike your boss,
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that you need a change of tools first before launching a new production?
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The conflict over how to do it can take the
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form of a technical conflict or a conflict of method.
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We do not agree on the equipment to use or on the strategy to deploy.
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With responsible and dispassionate dialogue,
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we can always find a way to proceed
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that is accepted by all,
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even if it is not satisfactory for all.
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Accepting doesn't mean being happy with the solution.
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we avoid going from disagreement.
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To conflict by finding a common and accepted way to achieve the goal.
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Sometimes everyone can use their own way,
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and it's up to the manager to be flexible.
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I remember the conflict of methods where the manager required.
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50 prospecting calls a day from his salespeople,
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method which was not suitable for everyone.
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One of his salespeople preferred to spend hours online prospecting and targeting
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customers before picking up his phone for 5 calls a day.
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He achieved the same transformation rate as the others.
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the last question generating disagreement,
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how to cooperate.
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This question is based on the desire to work together
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in a world where work is increasingly collaborative.
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We are interdependent in achieving our goals,
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everyone has their own conception of what professional relations should be like.
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You are sure that a good relationship with
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your colleagues starts with saying hello and smiling.
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It's not as essential for your Finnish or Hungarian colleague.
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You are sure that being blunt and saying what
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you think is the backbone of good communication.
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Maybe your colleague who expects more restraint
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does not share the same thought.
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You are sure that hiding a bit
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the truth from the prospect is part of the negotiating game.
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Does your client think the same?
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we see many of those certainties that create dead
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ends when not shared by your colleague or client.
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Relaxing our certainties,
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understanding what the other expects from the relationship
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without judgement helps to avoid many conflicts.
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Self-esteem and openness to others also helps create
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healthy relationships free from any emotional turmoil or power struggle.
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The more internally secure we are,
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the better we cooperate with people of other cultures,
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whether they are seniors or millennials of the opposite
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sex from a different continent or from another planet.
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and I really mean any conflict,
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is a matter of perception.
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Soften your convictions,
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open up your prism,
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and you will find a way out of conflict.
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You will understand that collaboration requires
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an open dialogue on the three questions
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where are we going,
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how do we get there,
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and how do we cooperate to get there.
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