From disagreement to conflict Tutorial

Discover how disagreements evolve into conflicts in relationships and communication. In 'From Disagreement to Conflict,' we explore essential questions around direction, methods, and cooperation that can either unite or divide teams. Uncover strategies to bridge divergent interests and foster collaboration. Don't miss this insightful journey to improve your professional interactions!

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Why do we go from disagreement?

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To conflict,

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disagreement is normal and can be constructive,

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while conflict is not.

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Disagreement arises from a divergence of interests,

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values,

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opinions.

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We do not think like the other person,

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and then from a simple disagreement we can slip

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into conflict when two additional criteria come together.

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One,

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the parties are interdependent,

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and 2,

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the negative emotions are revealed.

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The conflict equation is simple disagreement plus

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interdependence plus negative emotions equals conflict.

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Let's explore this equation on the 3

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major professional issues that generate disagreements divergence.

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3 disagreements on

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where we are heading,

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how to act,

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and how to cooperate.

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Where are we heading?

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If you want to go right and your neighbour wants to go left.

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And you are forced to work with your colleague on the same file,

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there is a risk of conflict,

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or at least

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as long as you do not define a shared direction,

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a common target,

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as long as your perception of where to go and where

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you want to go will be different from your colleagues.

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Interdependence requires regular reminders of the final target.

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If the company has a clear vision

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and a purpose that is clearly expressed

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and shared by employees,

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moving forward together will be easier.

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If the team has a clear and shared quarterly mission.

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There's fewer reasons for conflict because of two

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people disagreeing on the direction to follow.

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Defining common objectives and if possible,

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prioritising them is therefore essential.

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Where are we going?

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Can we find a common direction

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which will allow us to bring services and individuals together

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towards a converging goal?

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Not a rigid objective like

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we want to be number one,

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but rather an evolutionary

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purpose for the company

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as Frederick Lalou would say in his book

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Reinventing organisation.

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Here is an example.

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The home care nursing company Borzorg,

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around 1000 employees,

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which has experienced phenomenal growth,

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holds the evolutionary purpose

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to help patients live

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healthy,

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autonomous,

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and meaningful lives.

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All the objectives of the 1000 employees are based on this final vision.

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Any disagreement brings them back to this evolutionary purpose.

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Does this task,

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this project,

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help patients live healthy,

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autonomous,

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and meaningful lives?

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The disagreement over where we are going

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can also take the form of conflicts of interest.

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Two colleagues want to get the same job

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or take their leave at the same time,

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conflict of interest.

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The salesperson is looking to sell at a good

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price while the quality department seeks ISO validation.

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The HR department wants to recruit

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while the financier is monitoring the budget.

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Sometimes it collides in a tug of war.

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Here are some conflicts of interest that at first glance seem hopeless,

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and yet

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with a common vision,

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with listening negotiation,

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it is always possible to find agreements.

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The second question that generates disagreements is

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how to act

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to reach your target.

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Sometimes we agree about where we are going,

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but the disagreement is on how do we get there.

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Everyone has their own idea of how to reach the goal.

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You are certain,

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unlike your colleague,

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that the process must be followed to the letter to meet the customer's request.

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Are you certain,

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unlike your boss,

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that you need a change of tools first before launching a new production?

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The conflict over how to do it can take the

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form of a technical conflict or a conflict of method.

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We do not agree on the equipment to use or on the strategy to deploy.

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Insoluble,

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no.

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With responsible and dispassionate dialogue,

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we can always find a way to proceed

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that is accepted by all,

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even if it is not satisfactory for all.

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Accepting doesn't mean being happy with the solution.

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In any case,

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we avoid going from disagreement.

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To conflict by finding a common and accepted way to achieve the goal.

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Sometimes everyone can use their own way,

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and it's up to the manager to be flexible.

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I remember the conflict of methods where the manager required.

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50 prospecting calls a day from his salespeople,

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method which was not suitable for everyone.

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One of his salespeople preferred to spend hours online prospecting and targeting

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customers before picking up his phone for 5 calls a day.

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He achieved the same transformation rate as the others.

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Finally,

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the last question generating disagreement,

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how to cooperate.

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This question is based on the desire to work together

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in a world where work is increasingly collaborative.

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We are interdependent in achieving our goals,

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yet

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everyone has their own conception of what professional relations should be like.

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You are sure that a good relationship with

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your colleagues starts with saying hello and smiling.

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It's not as essential for your Finnish or Hungarian colleague.

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You are sure that being blunt and saying what

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you think is the backbone of good communication.

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Maybe your colleague who expects more restraint

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does not share the same thought.

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You are sure that hiding a bit

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the truth from the prospect is part of the negotiating game.

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Does your client think the same?

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In coaching,

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we see many of those certainties that create dead

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ends when not shared by your colleague or client.

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Relaxing our certainties,

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understanding what the other expects from the relationship

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without judgement helps to avoid many conflicts.

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Self-esteem and openness to others also helps create

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healthy relationships free from any emotional turmoil or power struggle.

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The more internally secure we are,

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the better we cooperate with people of other cultures,

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values,

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and visions,

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whether they are seniors or millennials of the opposite

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sex from a different continent or from another planet.

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Any,

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and I really mean any conflict,

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is a matter of perception.

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Soften your convictions,

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open up your prism,

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and you will find a way out of conflict.

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You will understand that collaboration requires

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an open dialogue on the three questions

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where are we going,

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how do we get there,

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and how do we cooperate to get there.

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